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kivino · 13 hours ago

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MEANT FOR EACH OTHER || ZOMBIE AU || KÖNIG X READER || PART I

sum. A deep-seated paranoia takes hold of you. Every hour of the day, you feel like you’re being watched. Followed. And you’re not wrong. So observant, so beautiful and perfect, but always dismissed by your group, left behind, not paid even a sliver of attention. How tragic. It’s okay though. König is here to do right by you. F̶̖̓͆̕͝o̷̢͚̲̬̍͠r̶͖̝̾̊̍̾e̸͔͇̣̓̈̊̾v̶̛͚͕́͗͝e̷̤̻͔͎̅̑̽r̴̝̬̩̘͒̒̃ ̴͔͆͋̈͝ȃ̷̢̭̯n̶̡̜̫͚̉̌̊̒ḍ̷̩̲̹͝ ̷̖̔͌͘ả̶̡̬̥͊l̶͕̇̓̄w̴̺̥̋̂͠ä̷̢̢̝́̒͗y̴̳̦̙̕ŝ̶͕̋̀.̵̝̱͒̌̅̆

tags. zombie au (twdg inspired), stalking, obsessive behavior, themes of paranoia, fear, distrust, isolation

w.c. 2.7k

a.n. i had a post about this fic quite some time ago, but only got to finishing this fic right about now. it’s my bad, folks! still, i hope you enjoy it nonetheless! let me know your thoughts and like and reblog, please!

jjk masterlist || cod masterlist || ao3 link to this fic || ko-fi

You were not okay. Unstable. Dangerous to the group. That’s what you kept hearing every time you would try to speak up about your worries. “Help your fellow man” your ass. Delusional assholes, all of them, you thought, after having to endure this torture that appeared endless. Constant paranoia eating away at you, piece by piece, making you look over your shoulder more than look straight ahead, forcing your sleep to become so light you’d wake up from the slightest shifts of your companions dosing off in the tents beside yours. Or from the wind rattling the rusted metal sheets on the roof of the abandoned storage house you camped out in. You felt exhausted which was no less shitty than being unheard. Or, rather, straight up ignored.

It’s been weeks…months of it? You weren’t quite sure anymore. You had trouble tracking the days at this point in time, any disruption turning you into a likeness of a jittery rabbit – head on a swivel, ready to dart at the merest visible sign of this…unknown and incomprehensible danger. So naturally, days blended into nights, and nights would smother themselves in-between the days, and there was no end to it. At times, anything felt as a sign of some foreign, unfamiliar and very unwelcome presence. The whole world ending, shriveling away into a primitive, disconnected and scattered realm of endless violence was bad enough, but then there was something else…You weren’t quite sure what started out this deep terror within you. But you just knew, after bumping into someone’s empty, but clearly frequently used hideout in a dingy, and frankly, nasty motel, nothing has been the same.

Stretches of makeshift barbed wire across all the fences and, in places, even the ground, where the passage wasn’t interrupted by wrecked cars forming a barricade in front of the dark building with the windows boarded up shut. As you approached the place, you swore you could hear a low purr of a generator and smell the fuel, heavy in the air, and thick on your tongue. However, the place, though well protected, seemed to be deserted. Not a sign of a human presence from a quick glance. A lawn chair on the second floor of the motel, right behind a study looking railing with the paint rubbed off in the center, however, threw you off a little bit, as well as the doors, either locked, or boarded up shut from the inside. No bodies, no signs of fight or struggle, very little blood, while the place itself was locked up so tight you’d think a herd of was mere hours away from reaching it. Who’d put so much effort into making this motel a fortress, only to then abandon it, since there were no bodies that would suggest an attack from the walkers, or a raid from a fellow man.

Things clearly didn’t line up and you didn’t like that. Your group, however, didn’t bother with technicalities and nuance. Safe place was a safe place, end of story. Having nothing to offer in terms of resources – apart from a couple of already ransacked vending machines, the motel was quickly moved on from after the group spent the night. Since no one managed to get a single door, but the one leading to the laundry room of the dreary place open, the decision was made to sleep in the tents within the barricaded parking lot. “You’re welcome to freeze your ass off outside the fence, if you’d like, love, I couldn’t give two shits” – grumbled Rory, a woman in her thirties, who was clearly not having your cautious behavior. You were more than sure that she probably had to sleep in places much colder and dangerous than this dirty godforsaken motel, so you let it go. That night was the last night of undisturbed and calm sleep you’ve had before the unrest took hold.

You haven’t told anyone (as if that would change anything, your mind adds with palpable bitterness), but you swore there was something at that motel. Always conveniently just out of the corner of your eye, avoiding you so well you were ready to scream in frustration at the lack of substantial evidence for your suspicions. A giant, hulking shadow, faster than your reaction speed. A suspicious, bright glint from stuffy darkness of a boarded-up window. A loose stretch of a chain-link fence with dull grass crushed underneath. But then, why would it be? Unless it pinned the lifeless blades of greenery to the ground while sliding out (or in) below the fence.

Of course, without outright noticeable evidence it was just that. It. But you were just scared to admit that this shapeless, inexplicable “It" you kept in your thoughts day and night, waking up and going to bed with an insistent tremble in your chest and shaky hands, was someone. That this “It” would suddenly develop a form, a conscience. Then, a goal. You didn’t like that. Not in the slightest. Frankly, who would like the phantoms that reside in their mind to suddenly become real? Nobody. And definitely not fucking you.

Regardless of your limitless turmoil and anxiety, non-stop coiling within your gut, you had to wake up. Stirring awake in your stuffy, hot tent, you don’t waste any time finding a zipper on the cheap rainproof fabric and dragging it down, to let some (relatively) fresh air inside, letting your lungs enjoy it while it lasts. Your group of seven has already been obviously busy; you can hear some chatter and clacking of pots over the fire in the middle of the camp. Didn’t even wake you up? Odd. You’ll take it though. An extra hour of sleep is better than none.

You shuffle towards the opening in your tent, your hand snaking towards the half-empty backpack, laying on its side right in your reach. Empty-minded, you let your fingers pick at a bunch of zippers and clasps, while rubbing your eyes off the scarce leftover sleep. Your hand, much like a lithe spider finally gets inside the backpack to pull a sweatshirt out, until you hear a clear, almost deafening crunch of plastic in the morning quiet.

You can feel the blood in your veins turn to ice.

The hand snakes deeper inside, trying to get a feel of this plastic package that was definitely not there last night, before you went to sleep. Finally, you fish out multiple packs of ramen from your belongings and you sit there for a moment, in silence that only you can comprehend.

None of your group store their food in their personal backpacks. You included. Nobody went on any supply runs this week. And you definitely don’t remember ever having problems with sleepwalking. Your head finds its way into your hands. There “It” is again. You’re on the verge of hysteria. And even if your try to say something, it’s going to be the same song, all over again.

“You’re overthinking simple things.”

“Maybe you put it there before, but just…forgot about it?”

“What does it matter anyway? You’ve got more food to last you, would you stop being hung up over nothing?”

Same things, same voices, same thoughts. You were sick of it. Utterly and completely.

Finally!

You found it! König could feel a smile tug at the corners of his mouth as you took out the gift he so carefully placed in the bag during the night. Sneaking around the other tents, careful with every step, suffocated with anticipation and worry. Now he had the perfect view of you from the shattered roof window of the storage house, which couldn’t have made the moment any better. Setting up this vantage point was his best decision yet…Apart from deciding to trail behind you, tagging along until your useless group members make the slightest mistake that will cost them their life. And then, König will be able to swoop in, finally help you openly, get you to join him (because why wouldn’t you? Your refusal was not even a possibility in his mind). The mere thought sent shivers of excitement down his body, sweet and languid. He couldn’t deny himself the pleasure of peeking out from behind the window once again, tilting his head ever so slightly, so his dark hood is not too visible over the vivid backdrop of the winter sky – off-grey and dull, much like a dirty slush that was this year’s snow, resting in a thick, melting blanket over the dark earth.

His eyes are zeroed in on you, squinting through the bright light penetrating even the dull clouds hanging over the earth and he could just feel the familiar, loving tremble in his chest when he sees you taking out his little surprise from your bag. It would seem that you’re lost for words – clutching your poor little head in your hands, mulling over who it might be from. Or maybe you’re already drowning in despair, deep in the realization that no one from your group can protect you properly, if someone was able to sneak into the camp in the middle of the night. Yes! Yes… König couldn’t have asked for a better reaction.

This…utter distress you were displaying, fanned the flames within him like no other person ever managed to, even before the world has ended. Frankly, anything you did would set off this insistent, lasting spark deep within his chest, burning König up from inside out, until it felt like he was smoldering if his eyes couldn’t catch a glimpse of you for too long. His insides would churn with an unknown, heavy feeling, it almost felt like he was drowning in a bog, being dragged down in the depths of his mind with little to no resistance. Only catching a glimpse of you helped to stop that feeling. So, keeping away just wasn’t an option. Never was. Never will be. And how could it ever be, if even in his restless dreams he searched for you, while every waking thought revolved around you. How determined he was to see his plan through, how desperate for the closer presence of your light in his life, finally being able to bask in it without your disgusting group getting in the way.

König never thought the accidental encounter at the motel he’s been holed up in would end up in him packing up everything he had to follow your useless group. You. You were the first living soul he’s seen up close since the world started falling apart so rapidly. It awakened something he completely forgot about in the months he hasn’t seen any people. The newfound hope.

Your carefree smile near the bonfire first confused him. How can you be happy and laugh the way you did when nothing around you was in its original state – shattered, broken, locked, rotten, spoiled or otherwise; when he the danger was around the corner, lurking just out of reach, ready to pounce and consume the measly, weak remains of humanity any time. Nothing to smile about for him. Despite his initial, less than generous assumption about your mental abilities and level of intelligence, you proved more cautious and careful than any people from your group. Stupid jackasses, satisfied with the surface-level search. How pathetic.

It would be such a pleasure to finally get rid of them. Give them all that they deserved. Every blow, every bite and every scratch. But not from him, sadly. He has to be even more careful, so you don’t have any basis to even assume König had anything to do with their deaths. He’ll…nudge them in the direction of death, but he will not be the deliverer of justice. As much as he wished he could.

Not you, though. Oh, never you. That day, as König peeked from the darkness of the motel room around him, through tiny slits in the dusty curtains that obscured everything behind the wooden boards he hammered in himself, you seemed like you started figuring something out, looking over the spots of the motel he most often frequented. Almost like you could feel or see his presence there, only hours ago.

Carefully, but nonchalantly walking around vending machines, the good spot overlooking the front gate and the parking lot with König’s chair on the second-floor balcony, his sleeping spot on warm nights, in a bed of a pickup truck, and finally, attempting to open the room where the man would sort through the supplies he had. When he was completely shrouded in darkness of said supply room, it felt like you could see right through it, like you caught sight of him through the dirty glass window. Your narrowed eyes, suspicion-ridden expression, laced with fear at the same time that he glimpsed at before tearing himself away from the handmade peephole in a manner too reluctant and terrified for him.

There and then, leaned on a wall with his breath short and face burning up under the hood that obscured his face, König realized. You shared a connection, deeper than any. You must be. How easily you picked apart each of the places that belonged to him, like you felt with your whole being the dark, smudged stains of his presence left behind, how observant you were, it couldn’t have been a simple lucky guess, he was sure of it. You were meant for each other. Yes, yes, that’s it! The world fell apart, but it was always supposed to happen, you would find each other no matter what. The thought, for the first time in many, so many months filled to the brim with blood, gore, loneliness and hunger filled him with comfort.

That was what drew him in, there was nothing easy or outright understandable about you to König. He didn’t mind, though. You were meant for each other, that was all that mattered. He would bathe the world in blood if it meant you’ll be there to find way into his arms. He’ll protect you, just like the comfort from the smallest glimpse of your charming self protected him from the darkness that caged him in for so long. Only König can protect you. You just didn’t know it yet.

Of course, he realizes that his attempts might be too…forward for you, but it was for the best. He was doing it for you only, for your wellbeing, and no one else’s. Of course, he could be much more discreet, yet instead König chose to be meticulous with how he approached leaving behind signs of his presence. It was charming and so, so endearing, how quickly you picked up on the smallest traces left by him, how your brows would knit together in careful consideration, piecing together every clue given to you by König’s generous hand. Like a conversation between only the two of you. König had to let you know that your savior, your protector is coming. He wasn’t worried about you pointing out things left by him to your group; figures that they would choose to ignore it – it wasn’t meant for them.

König cherished every expression, every tiny reaction you gave to the smallest traces of his presence, keeping them hidden, locked away in his mind, recalling every and each one while lulling himself to a sleep that was sure to bring more dreams of you. The man savored them like there was nothing better than seeing your eyes widen in horror, hand clasping over your mouth to contain a loud scream of terror, as you stumble across a large, neatly stacked pile of festering, unmoving walkers that just a day ago creeped upon the camp, with no one from your group noticing, as expected. Of course, König could easily dispose of the whole pile elsewhere, burn them, bury them, or dismember them until there was nothing but rotten mincemeat left on the ground, but he wanted to send another message, by leaving the bodies for his beloved to find. Just so you’ll know, he’ll do anything to keep you safe. Anything to keep you all to himself.

Or when the shuffling within you tent momentarily stop after he would intentionally snap a twig with his full weight while doing a round through your camp, intent on putting another food item in your bag. Clearly you took notice of someone lurking through the camp, but didn’t dare to check what was the noise you heard. How cute. König needed you to know that you won’t go hungry with him either – he’ll give away the last he has for you to last longer. The world will have a little more light with you in it, rather than with him.

König also knew you could see his shadow from the corner of your eye at times. Those days, he was intentionally being sloppy, allowing himself more and more of the simple, invigorating pleasures of taking in your beauty just a few more seconds before ducking behind the thick trunks, scattered bushes or a corner. His blood would come to a boil almost instantly, the hood that usually allowed for normal breathing would soon become suffocating for him, and his hands would start to tremble until his teeth would find a way to bite into his flesh, flashes of pain searing the incredibly joy the image of you gave him.

It was hard to wait. So hard to not act on his deep-seated, loving urges and finally take you all for himself, like it should be. Like it was meant to be. Every day without you in his arms felt more and more like torture, hours ticking away with him wasting himself out of your embrace he craved so restlessly. Anything seemed to remind him of you, pulling along the slow realization that you were not there to ease his heavy mind out of the instability that threatened to spill over in destructive, bloody violence. It was worse than bad. König needed you. So wholly and desperately he couldn’t exist or function in the way he was used to.

Soon. He’ll set everything in motion very soon. König already started carrying over all his stuff and equipment from the roof to a camp he put together carefully, a safe distance away from this storage house. You’ll need a safe place to stumble into, after all. And, from that safe place, right into his arms.

You won’t have a choice. Because you were meant for each other. You just didn’t know it yet.

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redroomreflections · 9 hours ago

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Paint It Black Chapter 3

Teen Natasha Romanoff x Teen Reader

Masterlist | General Masterlist

Summary: Natasha Romanoff has never known love—or at least, that’s what she tells herself. During her time in the Red Room, she encountered a girl whose memory was forcibly erased from her mind. Now, as an Avenger, she faces a new enemy who turns out to be more than just a threat; they share a tangled history that challenges everything Natasha thought she knew about herself and love.

Chapter Summary: Natasha learns who to trust in the Red Room

W/c: 5.2k

Warnings: This is a dark story, so read at your own risk. Mentions/hints of SA, violence, guns, and abuse. We're exploring the Red Room and Natasha's origins, kind of.

Someone I once loved gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift - Mary Oliver

You'd learned a lot of party tricks since you became Dreykov's best girl. You'd been trained by some of the world's deadliest martial artists and snipers. You knew how to make an arrow pierce through the toughest skin. You could crush your enemies' windpipe without your bow's help. You could use a man's tie against him and bring him to his knees in seconds.

You had learned early on that survival in the Red Room wasn’t just about strength or precision—it was about illusion. It was about shaping yourself into whatever they needed you to be, bending and twisting your identity until you could barely recognize your reflection.

When you were twelve, one of the older Widows taught you makeup—not just how to wear it, but how to weaponize it. Lipstick wasn’t just a shade; it was a story. A bold red screamed confidence and control. A soft pink whispered innocence. The faintest hint of gloss could disarm even the sharpest of men.

The etiquette classes were the worst. Hour after hour of balancing books on your head, learning the perfect angle for a smile, the exact tilt of your chin that would make you appear approachable but not too eager. You were drilled in dining etiquette, how to sip champagne without smudging your lipstick, laugh at jokes you didn’t find funny, and dance just close enough to your target to keep their guard down.

They taught you how to pretend to be smart—not too smart, but just enough to stroke a man’s ego without intimidating him. You mastered the art of asking questions you already knew the answers to, of feigning curiosity to keep the conversation flowing.

Every lesson was a reminder that you weren’t being prepared to live. You were being prepared to infiltrate, to seduce, to kill.

You still remembered the first time you saw yourself in the mirror after they finished with you—a little girl’s body dressed up like a woman. The makeup made your face look older, the heels forced your back straight, and the dress clung to you like a second skin. You didn’t recognize the person staring back.

"You’ll grow into it," the instructor had said, adjusting a curl in your hair. "By the time we’re done with you, you’ll be perfect."

Perfect. That’s what they wanted. A perfect soldier. A perfect spy. A perfect party trick.

And they had almost succeeded. Almost.

You had become everything they wanted you to be, yet somewhere deep inside, you had kept a piece of yourself hidden—a touch of defiance, a spark of who you were before they took you.

You didn’t need a party.

You didn’t need their approval.

You needed freedom.

And one day, you were going to take it.

****

After the meeting with Dreykov, you felt a wave of exhaustion wash over you. You tried not to scratch at the skin of your arms. You tried not to focus on the places he’d touched. You walked briskly through the cold, sterile hallways.

As you reached the nearest bathroom, you pushed the door open and slipped inside, grateful for the reprieve from everyone. The bathroom was small, with harsh lighting and chipped tiles, but it felt like a sanctuary compared to the outside world. You leaned against the cool metal sink, slowly closing your eyes to collect yourself. Opening them, you felt heavier than before. The mascara smudged as you rubbed at your eyes.

Your reflection in the mirror looked exhausted, pale, and drawn, as though someone had taken a paintbrush and erased all the color. With one hand, you gripped the sink, and with the other, you shoved it down your throat.

You gagged as bile rose into your mouth, hot and burning. Your stomach contracted and heaved.

This particular party trick only helped you.

********

She hadn’t seen you in a while. Four days, thirteen hours, and twelve minutes, to be exact. It wasn’t like she was counting. You weren’t friends or anything. Widows in training came and went all the time, whether for training, on missions, or worse.

Death.

Natasha had learned not to become attached. Your presence had annoyed her since the first time she spoke to you. You were like an unwelcome buzzing in her ear. You didn’t listen like the other girls. You talked back. You were defiant. You got into trouble. You had resilience and determination in ways the other girls didn’t. Something she wished she could be. Natasha had drive and determination. She was the best in her class. She moved up an age group since returning from Cuba. She was good with a gun, she was fast on her feet, and she could quickly pick up new skills. The one thing she hadn't mastered was her poker face.

Her eyes scanned the room as she ate alone. It was time for a day meal. An hour where the girls were able to let loose just a little. Everyone sat near their favorite colleagues. The word friend should never be in a Widow’s vocabulary. Natasha didn’t have many. None that she wanted any. It made things more painful when she had to pull the trigger.

As she ate, she looked for two people in the room and didn’t see either of them as expected. The first one is you. Your absence had caused quite a stir in the commons. The widow's gossip about you and what’s become of you. Some girls in your age group had mentioned dishonorable things that Natasha didn’t care to replay in her mind. Though she thought nothing of you, she refused to believe bad things. The other person was Yelena. It had been a few months, and her former mission mate would be seven now.

In the years before, Yelena’s birthday was spent in the comfort of their own home. Alexei would grill burgers. Melina would decorate the den with balloons, streamers, unicorns, and pony things that the little girl liked. Natasha was always in charge of keeping her sister occupied. They would run around the backyard until the parents, Melina and Alexei, would come out with a cake and candles for her to blow out.

It was a good memory that Natasha allowed herself to hold onto. It was stupid. None of it was real. Yet everything about it warmed her heart. Memories like that kept her sane. One day, she would be free, and she could make memories like that again if she got the chance.

Natasha looked down at her tray. Lunch consisted of Pirozhki, a stuffed roll with minced beef and rice. There were also a ton of vegetables that Natasha wasn’t fond of. While the Red Room was another hell on earth, the girls were fed well. Their bodies needed it to remain healthy and strong enough to fight.

Natasha took her time biting into her food. Despite the lump in her throat, she chewed her food while keeping her eyes up. She only ate half before she decided it was not for her. She stood, walking over to the trash bin, before clearing her plate. She wiped her hands against the leg of her black sweatpants. She eyed the two guards at the entrance of the cafeteria. Demetri and Igor. They’d worked there for as long as she could remember. She approached the door with an excuse already at the tip of her tongue.

“Kuda ty idesh? (Where are you going?)” Igor’s hand pressed against Natasha’s shoulder, his voice sharp.

Natasha paused but didn’t look at him. “I am going to the infirmary,” she said in English, her tone clipped. Since returning to the Red Room, she had refused to speak Russian unless necessary. It wasn’t defiance—not entirely—but a quiet rebellion against a country that allowed men like Dreykov to exist unchecked.

Igor’s brows furrowed, and he exchanged a glance with Demetri. “Zachem? (Why?)”

“I have my period.” Natasha’s voice was steady, and she met their gazes without a hint of embarrassment.

Both men immediately looked uncomfortable. Demetri muttered something under his breath and opened the door. Natasha didn’t wait for a formal dismissal. She slipped through before they could change their minds, her steps quiet on the worn linoleum floor.

The hallways were dimly lit, and the air smelled faintly of antiseptic. Natasha passed several doors before she reached the infirmary. Her hand hesitated on the knob. She shouldn’t care about you—not here, not now. But she did.

Turning the knob, she opened the door just enough to peek inside. Voices drifted through the crack, low and tense.

“You need a break,” Nora’s voice was firm, though tinged with concern. “She’s been pushed too far, Madam B. Her body can’t keep up at this rate.”

“She’s fine.” Madam B.’s tone was clipped, her frustration evident.

“Widows are made of marble, is that it?” Nora countered, sarcasm dripping from her words. “She’s not marble. She’s flesh and blood, just like the rest of us.”

“Enough!” Madam B. snapped, her voice cutting through the tension like a knife. “We do not coddle here, Doctor.”

“She’s still a child,” Nora shot back, her voice firm and determined. “A growing girl who needs her rest if you want her to carry out any of her duties.”

Madam B. stilled, her lips pressing into a thin line. The word child hung in the air like a taboo, an unwelcome reminder of the humanity the Red Room sought to erase.

“She ceased being a child the moment she stepped into this place,” Madam B. said coldly, her eyes narrowing.

“And yet her body hasn’t caught up to your expectations, has it?” Nora’s voice softened slightly, though it didn’t lose its edge. “You can push, break, and mold them—but they are still human. Y/N needs time to heal, or she’ll collapse in the middle of your next mission.”

“She wouldn’t dare,” Madam B. said sharply, her gaze flickering to you where you sat on the infirmary bed, silent but seething.

“I wouldn’t,” you said defiantly, your voice cutting through the tense exchange. “I don’t need a break. I’m fine.”

Nora turned to you, her expression softening. “Y/N, this isn’t a competition. It’s your health—”

“I said I’m fine,” you snapped, your hands balling into fists. “Widows don’t need rest. We don’t break.”

Madam B.’s gaze lingered on you long before she returned to Nora. “You see? She understands the stakes. Weakness is not an option.”

“Then you’re a fool,” Nora muttered under her breath, though not quietly enough.

Madam B.’s sharp glare returned to the doctor, but a quiet creak drew their attention before the tension could escalate further.

The infirmary door was slightly ajar. Natasha stood frozen in the opening, her green eyes darting between the women.

Madam B’s eyes narrowed as she glanced toward the door. “Watch her,” she commanded Nora before letting out a sharp huff and storming out of the room. The door slam echoed through the infirmary, leaving a tense silence.

Natasha pressed tightly against the wall outside and held her breath. Her heart pounded as she strained to listen for footsteps fading down the hallway. She waited—one second, two, three—until she was sure Madam B had left.

Carefully, she peeked around the corner to ensure the coast was clear. Satisfied, she stepped closer to the infirmary door. Her hand hovered over the knob, hesitating.

Inside, Nora sighed as she adjusted the cuff of the blood pressure monitor around your arm. “You really need to care more for yourself,” she muttered as she scribbled notes on a clipboard.

“You really need to stop worrying about me,” you replied, shaking your head.

“I’ve been worrying about you since you were four years old,” Nora said sharply, her eyes meeting yours.

You hesitated, unsure how to respond. Nora had been the closest thing you had to stability in this place. Her care had always been a confusing blend of warmth and frustration, a kindness wrapped in thorns. You could never understand why she cared so much. Why did she care at all?

Before you could think of something to say, you changed the subject. “How’s this love story with the scientist going?”

Nora froze, her brow furrowing as she shot you a pointed look. “Melina Vostokoff is a respected Widow who is incredibly smart,” she began curtly. “There is no love story. And you know it’s dangerous to talk like that.”

“You know Melina?” Natasha’s voice cut through the conversation as she stepped into the room.

Nora spun on her heel, her expression hardening as her eyes locked on Natasha. “What are you doing here?” she snapped, her tone sharp. “You shouldn’t be here.”

Natasha hesitated, her hands curling into fists at her sides. “I just—”

“You just nothing,” Nora interrupted coldly, stepping forward. “Do you think this is a game? That you can wander wherever you please? Do you even understand the danger you’re putting yourself in by being here?” She gestured toward you, her anger flaring.

“Nora,” you said softly, sitting up straighter.

Nora ignored you, her eyes still fixed on Natasha. “You have no idea what she’s been through—what we’ve all been through. And now you think you can just walk in here and—”

“Nora,” you said again, more firmly this time.

Nora finally looked at you, her jaw tight.

“It’s okay,” you said, your voice steady. “Let her stay.”

Nora’s shoulders sagged slightly, her anger dissipating into more like exasperation. She glanced back at Natasha, her eyes narrowing. “If anything happens, it’s on you,” she muttered before returning to work.

Natasha stepped closer to you, her movements careful, almost hesitant. Her eyes flickered to Nora, who was now busying herself with the clipboard, and then back to you.

"Hello," Natasha whispered.

"Dobro pozhalovat (welcome)," You said, not looking at her.

Natasha didn’t know why she came. Curiosity, maybe. Or something deeper she wasn’t ready to name. She stood stiffly in the doorway, one hand gripping the frame as she scanned the room.

You were sitting in bed, your posture slouched but tense, eyes staring ahead as if avoiding any attempt to connect—whether with the walls, the room, or anyone.

“Are you sick?” Natasha asked, her voice soft, though her eyes were sharp as they scanned your body for any signs of injury. There were no bruises, bandages, or anything that would explain your absence.

“I wish,” you muttered with a sigh, fingers tracing aimlessly over a loose thread in the blanket that covered your lap. “Just getting evaluated,” you excused yourself, trying to shrug it off.

“You’ve missed all your training sessions.” Natasha pressed, her gaze intense as she approached cautiously.

“Keeping up with my schedule?” You raised an eyebrow, your voice dripping with sarcasm. “Are you my new handler?”

“No,” Natasha replied quietly, her throat tight momentarily. “I thought we were friends.”

You didn’t answer right away, your lips pressing into a thin line. But you didn’t deny her, either. The silence between you two stretched, uncomfortable in its weight.

Nora kept her eyes on your chart from the corner, deliberately avoiding any direct attention. She'd never seen you regard anyone with such softness. You weren’t open with anyone other than her.

“You’re not going to go and report this to the other widows, are you?” You finally broke the silence, eyes narrowing slightly.

“The other widows are not my friends,” Natasha said, calm but firm. She let her gaze flicker toward Nora momentarily before returning to you. “You know Melina?”

Nora's response was clipped, her words tight and minimal. “She’s gone,” she said when Natasha asked about Melina’s whereabouts. “Don’t know where, don’t need to.” She didn’t look up from your chart as she spoke, not offering any more information. Her gaze remained focused on the paper in front of her, the lines of your vitals there, as if pretending not to notice the growing tension in the air.

After a long pause, she finally sighed, rolling her shoulders back as she stood up. “I’ll leave you two alone,” she muttered, making it clear she wasn’t interested in offering anything more.

With a curt nod to Natasha, she stepped toward the door, leaving you and Natasha alone in the sterile quiet of the room.

Natasha stood there momentarily, unsure of what to do, her thoughts swirling around the brief, cryptic exchange. She glanced back at you, her expression softening just a little.

“Is that your mom?” Natasha asked, her voice low and tentative, though the curiosity in her tone couldn’t be hidden. She didn’t wait for an immediate answer; she just leaned against the wall, her eyes still on you, waiting for a response.

"You see the resemblance?" You said flatly. "Nora is not my mother. Though she likes to pretend she cares."

"She seemed soft with you," Natasha offered, watching your reaction closely. "Not like the other Widows. Not like the guards."

Natasha shifted uncomfortably, her arms crossing over her chest as she leaned against the wall. She looked at you, her gaze unwavering but uncertain, as if trying to piece together her own reasoning for being there.

You huffed, shaking your head. “Softness is just another strategy. You know that.”

Natasha didn’t respond immediately. Her eyes flicked toward the door where Nora had exited moments ago and then back to you. “Maybe. Or maybe she’s different.”

You scoffed, but there wasn’t much conviction behind it. “Why are you here, Natasha? You’ve never been one to check up on anyone.” You tilted your head, narrowing your eyes as if trying to read her. “So why me?”

Natasha hesitated. It wasn’t a question she’d asked herself before walking into the room, but now it hung between you, heavy and unavoidable. She shifted her weight, her fingers brushing over the edge of the wall she leaned on.

“I don’t know,” she admitted, her voice almost too soft to hear. She looked down briefly, her lips pressed into a thin line, before meeting your eyes again. “Maybe I was curious. Or... maybe I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Why would you care?” you asked, your tone blunt but not unkind. “I’m just another Widow, right?”

Natasha shook her head, stepping closer to the bed. “No, you’re not. You’re... different.”

You raised a brow, leaning back slightly. “Different, how?”

Natasha didn’t answer right away. She stood there. Finally, she said, “You don’t let this place break you. I’ve seen it. You don’t let them win.”

Your gaze softened, but your walls didn’t crumble entirely. “And what about you?” you asked. “Are you letting them win?”

Natasha didn’t flinch at the question, but its weight settled in her chest. “I don’t know,” she said honestly. “But I’m trying not to.”

"I am to train you,"

"You?" Natasha blinked, her surprise evident. "Aren't you too young?"

"They say I'm the best,"

"Then, why not use your talents on a mission?"

"Leaving this place is too much of a privilege," You shrugged. "I am meant to be here. I am meant to be his."

"Does he hurt you?" Natasha asked.

You paused, your expression unreadable. You didn't want to answer. It felt like admitting weakness, like giving in. "I'll live."

"That's not what I asked,"

Natasha frowned, her curiosity gnawing at her despite your apparent resistance. “You’re not like the others,” she said cautiously, watching for any shift in your expression. “He treats you differently.”

You let out a low, humorless laugh, shaking your head. “You ask too many questions. You’ll do best not to in the future.”

“I just want to understand,” Natasha pressed. “How did you become so close with him?”

“If I had a straight answer, you’d have it,” you muttered, your voice low and even, your fingers absently fidgeting with the hem of your sleeve. “But if I were to guess, it’s probably because I’m a good fighter. Maybe the best. That’s all that matters to him.”

Natasha’s brow furrowed. “He doesn’t treat you like a child.”

“No, he doesn’t,” you replied, your tone sharp, almost cutting. “What is it that you really want to know? What happens when I meet with him? It’s private.”

“It’s not nothing,” Natasha said softly. “I can see it. It’s not.”

“No,” you agreed, your voice quieter now but no less firm. “It’s not. But it’s none of your business.”

“You’re too young to—” Natasha started, but you cut her off.

“I am young,” you said sharply, sitting up straighter, your gaze hard. “And I’m the best. That’s a gift and a curse. He gives me gifts, and I give him something of myself in return. I’ve gotten used to it.”

Natasha’s stomach turned at your words, but she didn’t know what to say. She wasn’t sure she wanted to push further, not when you were unwilling to share.

You sighed, your shoulders relaxing just slightly as you glanced at her. “I’ll train you,” you said, your voice softening, “but I won’t tell you things about my life. That’s the deal. Take it or leave it.”

Natasha hesitated, her mind racing with unspoken questions and uneasy thoughts, but in the end, she nodded. “Okay,” she said quietly.

*******

The door to Dreykov’s office loomed taller than Natasha expected, its dark wood heavy and foreboding. She hesitated before knocking, her fist pausing mid-air. No one talked about what happened inside. Girls went in and came out changed—quieter, sharper, colder.

The door opened with a groan, and Natasha stepped inside. The warmth hit her first, different from the biting chill that filled the rest of the Red Room. A space heater purred softly under the desk, and the faint smell of tobacco lingered in the air. She didn’t know what she expected—something barren and clinical, maybe—but this wasn’t that. Shelves lined the walls, packed with books she doubted he read. A globe sat in the corner, and photographs she didn’t dare look at too closely caught the light from the desk lamp.

“Natasha,” He greeted, not looking up right away. He sat behind a wide desk of polished mahogany, his large hands resting flat on the surface. His tone wasn’t harsh but didn’t invite ease, either. He gestured to the chair opposite him. “Sit.”

Natasha did as told, tucking her hands into her lap.

He studied her for a long moment, his eyes roaming over her body before resting on her face. His gaze was unnerving. It reminded her of a hawk eyeing a mouse, calculating and cold.

“You’ve been doing well,” Dreykov began, lifting his gaze to meet hers. His eyes were sharp and calculating, making her feel like he could see through her skin. “Top marks in marksmanship. Hand-to-hand combat. Strategy. Impressive for someone so… young.”

“Thank you, sir,” Natasha replied carefully. Her voice was steady, even though her heart was pounding.

“Do you know why you’re here?” he asked, leaning back in his chair, his fingers tapping idly against the desk.

Natasha hesitated. She didn’t know. Not really. “No, sir.”

Dreykov smiled faintly, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “You’ve caught my attention, Natasha. That is not an easy thing to do.”

She didn’t know what to say, so she said nothing.

“But,” he continued, his voice softening in a way that somehow made it more dangerous, “attention can be fleeting. Do you know what keeps it?”

“No, sir.”

“Loyalty,” he said, leaning forward now, his elbows resting on the desk. “Obedience. Dedication. Do you have these things?”

“Yes, sir,” Natasha answered quickly.

Dreykov studied her for a long moment, the silence thick and uncomfortable. She wanted to look away but didn’t dare.

"You're familiar with y/n?" Dreykov asked.

She didn't know how to answer the question. She didn't know how much he knew. If he knew, she would be in trouble, too.

"She is a fighter and the best of the Red Room," Dreykov continued.

"Yes, sir," Natasha answered, swallowing hard.

"And do you respect her?" Dreykov's eyes bored into hers, unrelenting.

"Yes, sir," she said, forcing herself to maintain eye contact.

Dreykov was silent for a long moment as if contemplating her answer.

"She is to train you," He finally said, his gaze not wavering. "You will report everything back to me. Your training, your progress, her attitude and treatment of you."

"I don't understand," Natasha said, her brows furrowing. "Why?"

"Because you're special," Dreykov said, his eyes narrowing slightly. "Because I have plans for you, and I need to ensure y/n does not interfere."

Dreykov’s gaze didn’t waver as Natasha processed his words, her thoughts running a mile a minute. How could you interfere? What could you possibly do to derail his plans? Natasha didn’t understand.

The confusion must have been written all over her face because Dreykov chuckled—a deep, humorless sound that sent a chill down her spine.

“Ah, you’re wondering, aren’t you?” he said, leaning forward slightly, his elbows resting on the desk. “How could she possibly get in the way?”

Natasha didn’t respond. She didn’t trust herself to speak, her jaw tightening as she forced herself to remain composed.

Dreykov smirked, the expression cold and sharp. “Y/N is… how shall I put this? A jealous little thing,” he said, his tone almost mocking. “She doesn’t like to share. Especially not with me. You trust her?"

"I do,"

"Don't. Don't trust anyone,"

"Not even you?"

Dreykov laughed. "Especially not me."

Natasha didn't answer. She didn't know what to say. Her mind raced, the warning ringing in her ears. She wanted to ask him what he meant, but the words stuck in her throat. A knock at the door broke the tension before she could muster the courage to speak.

“Come in,” He called smoothly, leaning back in his chair, his smirk firmly in place.

The door creaked open, and you stepped inside. Natasha barely recognized you. Gone was the confident fighter she’d seen earlier in the training halls. In your place stood a girl—more petite, somewhat more fragile, with your shoulders held high. Your dress was simple, patterned with tiny flowers, its soft colors highlighting your youth. You looked pretty. Beautiful if she dared to think it. For the first time, you looked your age: fourteen.

Natasha watched as you crossed the room without sparing her a glance. It struck her as deliberate. You kept your eyes forward, focused solely on Dreykov, and your expression was carefully blank.

His smile widened as his eyes roved over your appearance, a glint of satisfaction gleaming in them. “Perfect,” he said, gesturing toward you. “Doesn’t she look like a proper child, Natasha? A flower among thorns.”

Natasha’s stomach twisted at how he spoke and appraised you as though you were nothing more than a tool he’d shaped with his own hands.

“Someone will teach you how to blend in,” Dreykov continued, his gaze shifting to Natasha. “How to act like a child. Then, how to act like a woman. It’s a skill, you know. One you’ll need.”

Natasha’s brows furrowed. The idea felt foreign to her—learning to act like something she was supposed to be. “I don’t understand,” she said quietly, daring to speak despite the tension thickening in the room.

“Of course, you don’t,” Dreykov said, his tone condescending. “But you will. There’s a reason I’ve paired you with her.” He nodded toward you, and Natasha caught the faintest flicker of something—an emotion she couldn’t place—across your face before it disappeared. “She’ll show you. Watch her. Learn from her.”

You finally spoke, your voice softer than Natasha had ever heard it. “What do you need me to do, sir?”

Dreykov’s grin returned. “Everything you already do, my dear. And perhaps a little more. Natasha will shadow you for a time. Set an example for her. Show her how to be... convincing.”

You nodded stiffly, your movements almost mechanical. Natasha couldn’t tell if you were resigned or simply afraid.

She watched you with a growing sense of unease, unsure of what she was seeing. She couldn't pinpoint the shift in the air. Maybe it was the way you moved, the way you held yourself. You were afraid of him. Truly afraid of him. Every display of bravado she'd seen of you with others was thrown out of the window. You were small. Fragile. Vulnerable.

It scared her.

******

As the door shut behind you, the silence was almost unbearable. You walked ahead, your steps quiet and purposeful, refusing to meet Natasha’s gaze. She followed you down the hallway, barely able to keep up with the pace you set.

Finally, Natasha broke the silence. “Do you always wear dresses like that for him?” The words came out sharper than she intended, her voice laced with something between curiosity and accusation.

You stopped abruptly, turning on your heel to face her. You looked less fragile momentarily, the fire she’d seen in the training halls flickering behind your eyes. “What do you think?” you snapped, your tone cutting.

Natasha stared at you, searching for an answer, unsure of what she was looking for. “I don’t know. You won’t tell me anything.”

“And I don’t plan to,” you shot back. “You’re not here to know me, Romanoff. You’re here to watch and learn. Do that.”

Natasha felt the sting of your words, but she refused to back down. “He thinks you’re jealous of me. That you don’t want me around.”

You flinched at that, just barely, but it was enough for Natasha to notice. “He doesn’t know anything,” you muttered, your voice quieter now, tinged with bitterness.

“Doesn’t he?” Natasha challenged, stepping closer. “He’s got you wrapped around his finger, hasn’t he? Playing dress-up, doing whatever he tells you to do.”

Your jaw tightened, and for a moment, Natasha thought you might lash out. Instead, you smirked, though there was no humor in it. “And you’re any different? Do you think he doesn’t have plans for you, too? You’re just another piece on his board, Romanoff. Don’t kid yourself.”

The words hit harder than Natasha expected, but she kept her expression neutral. “At least I’m not pretending I have control,” she said evenly, her eyes narrowing.

Your smirk faltered, and Natasha caught a flicker of something—hurt, maybe, or anger. “You don’t get it,” you said quietly, almost whispering. “You don’t know what it’s like to be... useful. To matter.”

Natasha opened her mouth to respond, but the words wouldn’t come. She didn’t know what it was like—not really. But she could see the weight of it now, the burden you carried. And for the first time, she wondered if Dreykov’s warning wasn’t about jealousy but the cracks in your armor that he didn’t want her to see.

You turned away before she could say anything else, your steps brisk as you returned to the training hall. “You don’t need to understand,” you said over your shoulder, your voice cold again. “Just keep up.”

Natasha watched you go, a knot tightening in her chest. She didn’t know if she wanted to follow yr fight you, but she knew one thing for sure: Dreykov was right. You were dangerous—but not in the way he thought.

#natasha romanoff #black reader #natasha x reader #black widow x reader #natasha romanov #black widow x female reader #natasha x you

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lonely-ey3s · 3 days ago

Text

With All My Love: Chapter 8

Chapter 8: The Past is a Bitch

Pairings: joel miller x f!reader (no outbreak)

Word count: 16.1k

Chapter Summary: Joel and you throw a barbeque celebrating your arrival with close family and friends. Tommy and Joel battle how to best help you and Maria with your mental health since being back as there are indications you both are experiencing PTSD. Meanwhile later on, as the party goes on, you and Joel make a bet to keep each other on their toes as you both can't seem to keep your hands off each other.

Chapter warnings: mentions of PTSD (nightmares), panic attacks, physical descriptions of panic attacks, SMUT (18+ MDNI), m!oral, f!oral, f!masterbation, filming yourself while you do some naughty things, filming you and joel while you do fun things, spanish dialogue with translations (joel's family speaks it), FLUFFFFFF, joel being the best and most supportive bf, joel and reader being filthy sluts, reader has long hair, mentions of blood/injury, if I missed anything lmk :)

A/N: i know today's going to be a hard day for some of us as there is a lot of uncertainty and fear with how things are going, with how tik tok magically came back, but is being heavily censored, and there are indications of the next few days being really hard and for some very dangerous. i am here with you, i am just as nervous as you. i doom scrolled on redbook and tik tok too late last night freaking out about what people are seeing and saying - just know that in great numbers we are strong and i'm so proud of how much we are fighting back against corruption and complete ignorance, but i also know the fight isn't close to being over with our corrupt politicians and billionaires but we are using our knowledge from A Bug's Life and not allowing those grasshoppers to control our rights. i love you all, please be safe and stay kind to one another. ❣️ enjoy this chapter, i hope it helps take you somewhere else if you need that for a little while today ✨

Dividers by: @saradika-graphics

Main Masterlist

About an hour later Sarah woke up to hearing Tommy’s laugh and ran downstairs, eager to meet Maria.

Maria and Sarah got along fast as they both were relentless with Tommy, which was a treat to watch.

The group of you quickly finished the rest of the list and prepared for the party a couple of hours from now.

Tommy and Joel went out in the back to set up some chairs and start rotating the ribs on the smoker. Sarah was outside as well finishing up with some last-second decorations, making sure everything looked to her satisfaction.

You and Maria were finishing up the inside, making sure everything was ready to go to either be baked or put out. Maria turned to you, “I heard you ran into Captain Williams in the airport when you got back, how was that?” she said softly.

You shrugged, “It was good to see him, he seems like a kind man, and glad we got him back safe. His wife was a blubbering mess… huggin’ me like I dragged him from the depths of hell… it was a little overwhelming.” you chuckled, and shook your head.

“I mean, if it was either of us in his place, those two would have been the same way, worshipping whoever brought us home, ya know? Love changes people…” she nods out to the boys, who you both know would move heaven and earth for you and your safety.

You nodded and smiled looking outside at Joel, “It does…” You looked back at the ranch dressing you were making, “I guess it still hasn’t hit me I have someone like that in some moments, you know? I’m just so used to bein’ on my own…”

Maria nodded, and hummed, “Speaking of, have you heard from him since being back? Charlie?”

You shook your head, and scoffed “No… I wasn’t in North Carolina for more than a few hours before Joel and I left for Austin. He had no time to even run into me. I didn’t even get my car.” you tsked and chuckled, “Knowing him though, the piece of shit probably already found it and stole it, who knows…” you put a small spoon in the ranch and did a taste test then adjusted the seasonings.

“I uh.. I saw him when I got in town… he luckily had no idea who I was, you know… but he looked like shit, someone beat the shit out of him it looked like...” Maria said as she started to lay out paper plates and silverware.

You didn’t even react, feeling numb to him now, “Hmm, he probably owed money to someone and they beat him for not paying it back.” you put a lid on the ranch and put it in the fridge.

Maria shrugged, “Well karma came back and that’s all I’ll say about him.” she looked over and smiled at you.

You smiled softly and nodded, “Agreed… karma.” you looked down at the list and saw you still needed to prep the burger patties.

Maria got a text and looked over at you then cleared her throat, “Can I ask you somethin’ and you not get butt hurt or mad?” she looked your way, nervous about what she was about to bring up.

You looked at her from the counter, confused by her question, “Umm sure…” you chuckled not thinking anything of it.

She let out a small sigh, “What happened this morning?”

You looked at her, confused about what she meant, “I… what do you mean?” you smiled softly then looked back at the hamburger meat you were prepping.

“I… I’ll just be honest… Joel’s worried about you… told Tommy you were up early with a bad dream… Tommy asked I check on you.” she turned back to put napkins down.

You shook your head, “It’s nothin’... I mean you know the shit we saw… bad dreams, they are normal.” you blew off the question, not wanting to dive deeper than that.

“Y/N… it’s somethin’ when you can’t go back to sleep.” she turned back to you.

You scoffed, “Maria, it was nothin’... I should have just gone back to sleep… I just…” you clenched your jaw.

“You couldn’t unsee what you saw…” she cut you off.

You took a breath and looked down at the counter, “It was Z…” you cleared your throat, “I see his body… everywhere… in my dreams… I… last night was just a bad one…” you looked up at her, with sadness in your eyes.

She set down the rest of the napkins and came over and sat on the island next to where you were standing, “I can’t imagine what you saw, what you went through when he died… that’s something you carry that I can’t know or fathom… which means in ways… you’re alone in that trauma…” she looked down as she fiddled with her cuticles, “We both saw, did and went through some fucked up shit over there… it’s normal to you know… deal with some level of trauma.” she looked at you, “I just… I don’t want you to be someone who shoves it down and stays quiet and then it consumes you.”

She was right, you were notorious for that. Avoidance. When you got to camp, you talked about Charlie once and then never again with her, but she could tell it still impacted you but you never brought it up, and when she tried you’d change the subject. She wasn’t dumb or ignorant and you knew that, but she respected how you weren’t ready to talk and just let it be. However, with this, you both knew how horrible a soldier's mental health could plummet when getting back home, especially if you have PTSD. You were told of the statistics all the time of suicide, self-harm, and alcoholism/drug abuse, drilled during seminars and training. You weren’t ignorant, but you thought you could just avoid it by not talking about it. However, Maria wouldn’t let you do that, and you had a feeling neither would Joel - as he most likely went through it with Tommy at one point when he got home.

“What are you suggestin’ I do then?” you sighed and leaned against the counter.

“Talk to your boyfriend, let him in… or hell join a group like I’m going to do once I settle here…” she said nudging you with her leg, trying to get you out of your stubbornness.

You sighed and nodded, “I’ll try…”

Maria smiled softly and nodded, “That’s all I can ask of you…”

You nodded and then looked at the time, “Wanna help me get ready?” you smiled, “Help keep Joel off me so this thing starts on time?” you chuckled.

“So they are the same… handsy and horny motherfuckers…” Maria chuckled as she hopped off the counter and headed upstairs with you as you both giggled.

Joel and Tommy stood outside while you and Maria talked inside, putting chairs and things out from the shed.

Joel seemed a little disconnected, he felt something was going on with you since this morning but hadn’t got a moment alone with you to check on you. He saw your mood instantly switch when Maria got there, but he knew something happened last night and he wanted to make sure you knew you could reach out to him, he didn’t want you feeling that the nightmares or trauma he knows you went through was going to be too much for him to handle, he wanted to be involved, to be a comfort, he just didn’t know how to help you see that.

Tommy nudged his arm, “Where’s your thoughts at lover boy?” he chuckled.

Joel smiled softly and then swallowed softly and cleared his throat, “Did you ever… what happened when you got home? Where was your head?” he asked softly, careful so Sarah didn’t overhear.

Tommy looked at him concerned, “What happened?”

Joel shrugged, “I’m not sure, I found out she had a bad dream and had been up for hours right before you came through my front door.” he chuckled sadly.

Tommy nodded, and unfolded a chair, “Nightmares are common with PTSD, Joel.” he sighed softly. “I had ‘em when I got back. Bad ones… woke up in cold sweats or panic attacks. I’d hide in the closet for weeks after, couldn’t sleep by a window…” he chuckled and shook his head, “Took mama tellin’ me to get my head outta my culo (ass) and get some help.”

Joel looked at Tommy, shocked, he had no idea it was that bad for him, “What did you do?”

Tommy smiled, “I went to a local group… then they had me see a therapist, which I saw for about a year.” he took another chair out of the shed, “Maria is going to go to a group once she settles here, maybe she’ll convince Y/N to join her.”

Joel started to dust off some of the chairs, “Has Maria been struggling?”

Tommy nodded, “Loud noises are hard for her, she about had a panic attack in the airport… she also deals with guilt, from what she’s told me, they dealt with a lot of death, some they couldn’t help but some part of them blames themselves for not doing enough… I’d be surprised if Y/N doesn’t struggle with that… especially with what happened to Z.” he helped dust off the table and then got his phone out and texted Maria what happened and to reach out to you.

Joel nodded, “I know Z hits her often, she just won’t talk about it, you know?” he sighed, feeling helpless when it came to these things.

“I understand. There are just some things they won’t tell us… they think it’ll be too much you know?” he shrugged, “That’s how I felt at least… felt you already had enough on your plate with Rachelle leavin’ and Sarah bein’ a baby, handlin’ her all on your own. I felt guilty for even strugglin’ when you had that goin’ on.” he looked over at Joel.

Joel looked at him sadly, he would have done anything for Tommy, “I would burn the world for you brother, I’m always here, especially for you.” He touched Tommy’s shoulder.

Tommy nodded and smiled, “I know… but my younger, stupid, immature, and cocky post-deployment self - didn’t want to believe it.”

They both chuckled and nodded.

“If it helps… I just let Maria know what happened, and she’ll try to reach out to her, and I’ll let you know what Maria finds out, in case it’ll help you.” he smiled softly, “We gotta stick together with these two, you know?”

Joel chuckled and nodded, “We’ve got our hands full with them, don’t we?” looking your and Maria’s way.

Tommy nodded, “I believe we do…” and softly chuckled as he nudged his brother's arm.

You went upstairs and changed with Maria, she brought a change of clothes as she and Tommy were planning on staying the night and hanging out with you and Joel afterward.

You had picked out another one of the sun dresses that Joel had in the closet for you, again aiming for comfort but also a part of you wanted to drive him mad all night. You came out of the bathroom and used some body shimmer sunscreen lotion to make your skin glow, Maria saw you and chuckled, “You are evil…” She shook her head as he also had a sundress on but yours was particularly a tease. “Joel is going to be drooling over you all night long…” she got up from the bed, putting on some earrings and last-minute touches to her makeup.

You looked at yourself in the mirror and smiled cheekily, “I know…” you looked back at her, “Gotta keep him on his toes.” you sprayed yourself with some perfume and then smiled, “Ready to make some jaws drop?”

She chuckled and nodded, “Oh yes please!” she straightened herself up as well and then you both walked downstairs, both of the brothers getting the grill ready out on the back patio.

You and Maria both grabbed some towels that needed to go outside for the kids who were going to play in the pool. Then opened the screen door and walked out together.

Joel and Tommy both were taking swigs of their beers when you both walked out and coughed up their drinks and then immediately followed you and Maria’s bodies as you moved, eyes glued to your curves and how insatiable you both looked.

“Hey guests are gonna start arriving here in about 20 minutes, ya’ll need to go freshen up?” Maria asked, paying no mind to Tommy’s reaction.

You walked by as well, and looked at Sarah, “Sarah, wanna help me with the food inside?”

Sarah came over and nodded, “What do we need to do?” she zoned in, excited to help.

You looked at Joel, and smiled sweetly, innocently, “Hup too cowboy, go change…” nodded your head upstairs then you went back inside with Sarah.

Maria followed and closed the door after, both of you smirking as you walked.

Joel and Tommy both stood there, blood rushing to the right place at the wrong time, smirking and in a daze from you both.

Tommy cleared his throat, “That… that’s our girlfriend’s, right? We weren’t just graced by god herself, yeah?” still in somewhat shock.

Joel chuckled nodding, “Cheeky devils those two…” he bit his lip and nudged his brother, “Come on…” he put his beer down and walked inside, closing the door behind him not waiting for Tommy.

“Hey baby, can I have your help upstairs pickin’ out an outfit to match that…” he cleared his throat seeing Sarah turn around and smile innocently at him, “...beautiful dress you’re wearin’...?” he looked at you and nodded his head towards the stairs, biting his lip eagerly.

You smirked and came over and pecked his lips, “Two steps ahead of you cowboy, laid out an outfit for you on the bed already…” You winked and continued to walk past him, getting the mac and cheese in the fridge to put in the oven.

Joel watched your hips as you walked and chuckled lowly, “Oh did ya now?”

You nodded and looked back at him, “Yes baby, from hat to boot, I got you…” you smiled sweetly and then bent over to put the mac and cheese in. Your thong outline showed through your dress just enough to make Joel’s cock harden immediately. He clears his throat and quickly moves to stand against the counter, “Baby?” his voice cracks slightly.

Maria snorts and tries not to laugh so she turns it into a cough, “Sorry, my throat is dry…” She takes a swig of her beer, trying not to lose her shit at Joel’s behavior.

You knew exactly what you were doing, and you felt so empowered by it, you loved making him like putty, so easy to make melt.

You stood and closed the oven, turning towards him, “Yes sweetheart?” you smiled and put the oven mitts on the stove.

Sarah came up to you, “Where does this go?” you smiled at her and then looked at Joel and smirked.

He shook his head and clenched his jaw, narrowing his eyes, mouthing ‘Don’t you dare…I need you…now…’ knowing exactly what you’re about to do to him.

‘I’ll pay for it later.’ you thought.

You wink at Joel and then look back down to Sarah, “Here, let me show you sweetheart...” you walk with her towards the back door and purposely walk by Joel so that your perfume would waft his way. You open the screen door and look back, “Maria can you help me with somethin’ out here too?” then look at Joel, and blow him a kiss as you three walk out to the yard.

Joel chuckles and scoffs, biting his lip, “Oh that’s it. Game on.” he said and ran upstairs to change into something he knew would drive you crazy.

You had laid out a nice cream-colored button-up and dark wash jeans with a tan-colored cowboy hat you found in his closet.

However, he was playing chess, not checkers as he came down in a dark brown button-up with his sleeves rolled up a little, exposing the veins in his arms, dark wash jeans with a nice belt, and black Stetson hat, with his nice cowboy boots. You had a thong on to be his temptation, so he had a tight-fitting black tee on that form fitted him in every delicious way possible under this button-up that he’d use as his discretion throughout the day to drive you just as mad as he’ll be with you and that dress.

You were in the kitchen with Maria, laying out the food on the table, when you turned and saw him, immediately feeling the heat pool between your thighs. He clocked you, made immediate eye contact, and smirked. The two of you having this nonverbal conversation between the two of you. You bit the inside of your cheek and raised your eyebrow at him, cocking your head to the side signaling ‘Well played’ and you pursed your lips together and then smirked back, shaking your hands out to gather your composure, before clearing your throat softly, “You look handsome cowboy…” you came up and kissed his cheek before walking behind him and gathering the platter of hamburger patties, “Can you start on these, handsome?” you held up the platter but pushed your elbows together and up to accentuate your cleavage when going to hand him the patties.

He bit his lip and looked at you, his cock starting to get hard again, he knew exactly what you were doing. He let out a small chuckle, “Of course my love” he bit out of pure frustration, gently taking the platter from you.

He went to go outside, but Sarah came in and saw him and smiled, “Well don’t you look pretty…” she said looking him up and down, giggling.

“Shut up…” Joel chuckled before stepping outside.

Sarah shut the door and you and Mariah let out a laugh, Sarah joining in, “What’s his problem?”

You smiled and chuckled, “I think he’s a little… hangry…” you lied for her innocence.

Mariah said under her breath, “You mean horny…”

You nudged her and she chuckled.

Sarah nodded, “Yeah, he’s such a drama queen sometimes…” she sighed and smiled, “Anythin’ else need to go outside?” she asked softly.

You shook your head, “I think we are good, do you need to change?” you smiled at her as you laid out the veggie tray.

She nodded, “I’ll be quick!” she ran upstairs and shut her door to change.

Maria nudged you, and chuckled, “Joel’s playing fire with fire…” She winked at you and nodded towards him.

“Yeah… I know. What the fuck… he looks fucking…” you sighed frustrated and chuckled to yourself, leaning towards the counter, looking down to gather what you said next in case Sarah could hear, “god damn he’s good in that damn hat.” you looked up and rolled your shoulders, and then your head side to side, “What a menace…” clearly just as sexually pent up as Joel.

Maria chuckled and Tommy came in, he had changed as well and also looked very handsome, you smiled, “Lookin’ sharp Miller…” You nodded towards him.

Tommy chuckled, now cooled down and even headed, “You two started it… with those damn… dresses…” he looked at Maria up and down, eyes hungry.

You cleared your throat, breaking his gaze, “Reginald, eyes forward… there’s a child upstairs.” you scoffed jokingly and chuckled as you walked past him to take a beer to Joel outside.

You opened the screen door and came up behind Joel, “You seem a little thirsty cowboy… need a drink?” you smirked seeing him turn his ear towards you and chuckle lowly.

He flipped a few burgers then closed the grill, turned towards you, and gently grabbed you by your waist, pulling you against him, growling lowly, “Mmm baby… I need somethin’ else to satisfy my thirst…” he looked at our lips, eyes blown with lust.

You chuckled and touched his cheek softly, “I’m afraid that’s not an option on the menu this afternoon…” you leaned up and kissed him gently.

You went to pull back when he captured your lips again and kissed you slower and deeper, and then whispered against your lips, “You’re always on the menu baby…”

You bit your lip and quickly kissed him again, then pulled away, “Mmm as are you, cowboy…”

He reached back for your lips, hand slipping down to cup your ass, you put your finger on his lips, “Mmm nice try, not so fast…” you gently pushed away and grinned, “I wanna play a little game with you tonight… I have some rules…” you bit your lip, “I wanna see how long the other can last as we are clearly playing sexual tension chess…” you chuckled, “...the winner gets to choose what happens when everyone goes home… and where… it happens…” you smirked as you saw that piqued his interest, you gathered that Joel might like risky location sex which was something that made you a little nervous, “You interest?” you tilted your head and put your hands behind your back, cutely.

He nodded and smirked, “Go on, what are the rules darlin’?”

You stepped one step back to explain without distractions, “Rule 1, no funny business kisses.”

Joel bit his lip and chuckled, “Easy. Next…”

“Rule 2, while we are with or around others, no gawking… if the other person catches the other… automatic loss.” you smiled at him, “In other words, we can gawk, just not get caught by each other.”

Joel nodded and grinned, leaning against the grill, taking a swig of the beer, “That’ll be a fun one…”

“Lastly, rule 3, dirty talk is free game, but… no touching… only thing we can do is hold hands.” you cocked your head challenging him.

He stood up and scoffed, “No touching? How… I…”

You smirked, “Ready to throw in the towel?” you raised your eyebrow.

Joel clenched his teeth and let out a breath, his competitive side being poked. He grinned, and rolled his shoulders, chuckling, “Ok… you’re on. Deal.”

You smiled and chuckled at his reaction, “Before we start, is there anythin’ you need to get out of your system?” tilting your head innocently at him.

He nodded and immediately swarmed you, taking your cheeks in his hands, smirking against your lips, “Oh god yes, one funny business kiss…”

You giggled against his lips and put your hands on his chest, pulling him in by his shirt as he leaned in and kissed you slowly and deeply once, then he went to pull away, “Mmm wait, one more for good luck…” you pulled him back and he chuckled and kissed you once more, humming against your lips and then slowing pulling away, keeping his eyes closed, lingering close to you.

You stayed like that for a few moments before hearing the doorbell ring and then giggling, “Let the games begin!” you pulled away and walked towards the screen door, holding out your hand for him to take, “You comin’...?” you opened the screen door and waited for him.

He bit his lip and chuckled, “God I love you…” he grabbed your hand and walked with you to the front door. Tommy saw him come inside and traded places with him, taking over the grill so he could greet the guests.

Joel opened the front door and was greeted by two older gentlemen, “Hey! We brought booze!” Frank said excitedly and stepped inside, giving Joel a pat on the arm.

“You must be the famous Y/N that Joel hasn’t shut up about!” Frank winked at Joel and hugged you, kissing your cheek gently, “It’s so lovely to meet you!

Bill stepped in after Frank and grumbled, “I also brought a couple of pies…”

Joel chuckled and let go of your hand, “Here Bill, let me get those for you…” he grabbed two pies from Bill's hands, kissing your cheek softly, “I’ll go put these in the kitchen…”

You instantly remembered who these two were from Joel mentioning them a few times over Skype, “Oh my gosh, you’re the famous Bill and Frank! Joel’s told me so much about you! I am so happy you are here!” you hugged Bill and kissed his cheek softly, after letting go of Frank, “Come! Grab some food! Tommy is manning the grill so go get a burger too.” you smiled sweetly grabbing their arms and walking between them to the kitchen.

Maria smiled and came over to greet them too.

The doorbell rang again and Joel looked over at you immediately and smiled. He reached for your hand, and the both of you greeted guest after guest like this, together.

About an hour later the house and yard were full of people, most were either long-time friends of the Miller brothers, family friends, or neighbors of Joel’s.

You and Joel were in the kitchen, both corned by different people.

You were corned by Mrs. Rose, she kept telling you stories of Joel when Sarah was little, although they were adorable and you loved hearing how great of a dad he is and was when Sarah was smaller, you felt you were drowning and needed a lifeline of some sort.

Joel was corned by Frank, he kept asking the obvious questions, how were things going, had you guys talked about you moving in, all of the usual gossip topics Frank loved to discuss.

You both heard the doorbell and like a god-given blessing, both excused yourselves.

You chuckled as you both met in the entryway, “Mrs. Rose can talk, can’t she?” you joked and it made Joel laugh a deep hearty laugh, “You have no idea my love…”, and Joel opened the door, and turned his attention to see who was there, his face instantly turned to a shocked expression, “Mama?”

A beautiful older woman stood on the front step, “I’m so sorry I’m late mijo… traffic was horrible!” she reached in and grabbed Joel by the cheeks, pinching them gently, and kissed him on the cheek then hugged him quickly, pushing her way inside, on a mission, “I brought empanadas… they are in car, tú o tu hermano tendréis que ir a buscarlos.” (You or your brother will need to go get them.)

Joel chuckled and kept a hold of your hand as you were now hidden behind his back, hugging her with the other arm, “Mama, Tommy said you couldn’t come, said you had something come up?”

His mom pulled away, glared at him like he was crazy, and tsked as she slapped his arm softly, “Traes a una chica a casa, cambio mis planes, mi amor.” (You bring a girl home, I move my plans around, my love.)

You smiled from behind Joel, understanding every word she was saying as you took Spanish in high school.

Joel blushed and smiled, then nodded, lightly chuckling.

She looked around eagerly, not seeing you were behind Joel's figure as she had kept you guys in a tight space, “¿Bien? ¿Dónde está ella?” (Well? Where is she?)

Joel smiled lovingly at his mom and then moved aside slightly, “Mama this is Y/N…”

You peeked out and smiled brightly, shyly tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, “Hello Mrs. Miller… it’s so lovely to meet you…” you held out your hand.

She lightly gasped and held out her arms, “Cariño... ella es hermosa!” (Honey… she is beautiful) then she pulled you in for a gentle hug, “You must call me Elena, mi querida…” (my darling) she pulled back and put your face in her hands, “Come… we must talk.” she grabbed your hand and started to walk with you.

You chuckled and looked back at Joel as she practically dragged you with her, smiling warmly and mouthing, ‘You didn’t tell me your mom was coming!’.

He chuckled and shrugged then winked and watched, “I’ll go get the empanadas, mama!” and he left out the front door.

She waved her hand to dismiss him and tsked, focused on getting somewhere to talk to you.

Elena whisked you through the kitchen and out onto the patio, humming happily to herself, clearly on a mission.

Tommy saw his mother weaving through the ground, you clocked his eyeline and nodded your head towards the kitchen as that was where Maria was. He nodded and knew exactly what you were saying, ‘You need to give her a heads up.’

“Uh… Mrs. Mi- I mean Elena… can I get you something to eat or drink?” you smiled down at her as you walked.

She smiled and gasped, finding two lawn chairs, “¡Perfecta!, we must sit here!” she sat in one, and you sat in the other.

You softly chuckled, “I must be honest ma’am, I didn’t know you were coming, I would have set you up a shaded area aside.” you looked at her softly.

She waved you off softly, “¡Disparates!” (Nonsense!) “No need for that, I’m an old woman, but not one that needs special treatment, si?” she smiled warmly at you.

You nodded, “Yes ma’am.” you looked down shyly, messing with the hem of your dress.

She reached over and put a hand over yours, “Tell me… how does my son treat you, hmm? Le enseñé a adorar el suelo que pisas, ¿verdad?” (I taught him to worship the ground you walk on, is he?)

You blushed and continued to look down at your hands, then looked up at her, “He treats me like gold…” you smiled brightly “You raised a good man… he… I…” you looked back down at your hands and let out a small chuckle, “I love him very much, ma’am.”

She smiled and gently squeezed your hand, “He loves you more than I think he’s loved anything but that darling granddaughter he gave me.”

You looked at her and smiled, “Sarah… she’s… I also love her, she’s so kind… smart…” you chuckled, “... she’s so funny… she’s such a good human. Joel… he’s a good dad.” you looked over at Sarah, playing in the pool with her friends, “She’s everything to me as well. I can’t express how much those two were my drive while over there ma’am… they got me out of a lot of shi-” you cleared your throat, and looked at her apologetically, “stuff…”

She laughed softly, “You don’t need to tell me, I heard the stories of what you went through…” She looked at you sadly, “I was told you had a little boy… lamento tu perdida.” (I’m sorry for your loss)

You teared up at Z being called your little boy and looked down sadly, a tear falling on your dress, without thinking responded, “Gracias, aprecio tus amables palabras.” (Thank you, I appreciate your kind words.)

She gasped, “¿Tú hablas español?" (You speak Spanish?) She looked at you excitedly.

You looked up, eyes wide, Joel didn’t know you spoke it, you wanted to keep it a bit of a secret, but then chuckled and shook your head seeing her reaction, this meant a lot to her that you spoke in her native tongue.

“Sí, pero no tan buena como tú, estoy segura.” (Yes, but not as good as you, I'm sure.) you chuckled and winked.

She laughed, “No, you speak it very well! Oh gracias a Dios…” (Oh thank goodness)

You chuckled and then saw Tommy and Maria heading your way, Maria in her head, looking nervous, “Here, let me go grab you a plate and drink, I’ll be back…” You nodded towards Tommy and stood up, squeezing her hand and smiling as you let go of her hand before passing by the pair of them, whispering to Maria, “She’s going to love you… just breathe.” then walking towards the screendoor.

You made it into the kitchen and started to gather a plate of things you thought she might like, Joel came in and smiled with a bag of ice over his shoulder, “You got away…” he chuckled and came over, kissing your cheek gently, hovering his hand behind the small of your back, careful not to touch you, he smirked, “How’d it go darlin’?” then walked over to dump it in a bucket you had for beers and soda’s to put outside.

You smiled and continued to collect food for her, “I think it went well… she’s very sweet. I think she liked the element of surprise though… catching us off guard.” you chuckled.

Joel nodded, “Yeah, she likes keeping everyone on their toes.” he softly laughed.

You looked up and smirked a little, “No mencionaste que tu familia hablaba español, mi amor…” (You didn't mention your family spoke Spanish, my love…)

Joel flipped his head around, and his eyes went wide, “You speak Spanish?”

You chuckled at his reaction and nodded, “Not as well as your mom or you, but yes, yes I do.” you beamed and looked back down at the plate you were collecting. “Took 3 years in high school…”

Joel grinned and bit his lip then came over and hovered behind you, careful not to touch you but close enough to know he’d drive you crazy, saying lowly, making his voice vibrate against you as he said, “Veo. Así que puedes entenderme cuando digo que eres una niña traviesa por usar esa tanga, ¿no?” (I see. So you can understand me when I say that you are a naughty girl for wearing that thong, right?)

You bit your lip and grinned, goosebumps spreading down your body, heat pooling between your legs again and your cheeks blushing, “Si, mi amor…” (Yes, my love) you said then turned around, careful not to touch him, and looked up at him, “Lo que significa que me entiendes cuando digo que espero usar ese sombrero mientras te monto esta noche…” (Which means you understand me when I say that I expect to wear that hat while riding you tonight…)

Joel smirked down at you, and leaned his hands against the counter to corner you in, “You have no idea how hot it is to hear that come out of your mouth baby…” he leaned in close to your ear, saying lowly, with hunger in his voice.

Your eyes fluttered closed and you took a deep breath, feeling yourself flutter around nothing at your core.

You looked at him up and down, slowly grinning, then made eye contact with him “Eso no es lo único que mi boca puede hacer, ¿verdad, vaquero?” (That's not the only thing my mouth can do, is it cowboy?)

Joel let out a shaky breath, his cock starting to get hard again thinking about what you did to him with your mouth yesterday.

You bit your lip, leaned up, and kissed his cheek softly, “Excuse me mi amor…” you gently used the water bottle you were holding to move his arm to get out of his hold, carefully, not to break any rules before walking back outside, smirking to yourself, leaving him speechless against the counter.

You walked over to Joel’s mom, she was still talking with Tommy and Maria, all of them laughing about something.

You softly came up to her and gently touched her shoulder, “Here you go, ma’am…”

She looked up at you and smiled, taking the plate, “Oh you’re too kind! Gracias…” She looked at Tommy, “Mijo, will you go find your brother?” she nodded towards the house and smiled sweetly.

Tommy got up from his chair and came over and kissed her cheek, “Of course mama…” he reached back for Maria to come with. His mom shook her head, “No… let her stay here, rest her feet. I’m sure these two have been on them all day.” she smiled at the two of you.

You came and sat by Maria in Tommy’s chair, gently touching her knee, smiling down at her.

Maria smiled and nodded at Tommy, “I’ll be ok, she won’t bite baby…” she giggled.

Tommy nodded and leaned down, kissing Maria’s head, “I’ll be back.” he said before walking away to find Joel.

“So tell me, girls, how have you been since being back?” she took a bite of a carrot stick.

You looked back at Maria and smiled then nodded towards Mrs. Miller, “For the most part I think we’ve been doing pretty ok. I think it's setting in we are home…” you looked at Maria and she nodded then looked down shyly.

“Yeah, I agree.” she said softly.

Elena looked at you both and tsked, “Se honesta conmigo… por favor…” (Be honest with me, please) she sadly looked between you both, knowing you were both putting up a brave face.

Maria bit the inside of her cheek and sighed softly, “I’m having a hard time being in busy enclosed areas… like the airport was hard.” she admitted.

You looked at her and gently took her hand in support, “I’m… loud sudden noises I’ve noticed get me. But I’ve also been having flashbacks when sleeping.” you looked down at your hand holding Maria’s and clenched your jaw, feeling frustrated by this, sighing to let it go.

Elena reached over and took your hand, “Talk to my boys… please. They’ll want to help… want to… solidaria.” (be supportive) She looked at you both with pleading eyes.

Maria nodded, “Tommy is going to get me into a group locally when I get settled here… said it helped him.” she smiled softly.

Elena nodded, “Yes, the group was his saving grace.” she sighed sadly, “He felt… uhm… como dices… culpable?” (guilty)

You nodded, “He felt guilty for putting it on anyone but himself…” you looked at the ground and nodded, “I think that’s how I feel… don’t want to burden Joel with the hell we saw… went through…” you shook your head and tears started to cloud your vision.

Elena squeezed your hand, “No eres una carga para luchar. Por tener dificultades para comprender y superar lo que pasó.” (You are not a burden for struggling. For having a hard time understanding and moving past what you went through.)

Maria looked at you, needing translation.

“We aren’t burdens…” you looked at her sadly.

Elena saw Tommy and Joel starting to walk towards you all from the back door, she looked at them both and nodded, smiling softly, signaling for them to give her a moment more. Both stopped and understood, and got pulled into a conversation with Bill, asking who made the mac and cheese.

Joel focused on you, smiling softly at the sight of you and his mom together before turning his head towards Bill, explaining it was your recipe.

Elena looked back at you and Maria and reached her other hand for Maria to take, Maria moved in her chair closer and took her hand. She looked at you both and smiled softly, tearing up, “You… both… make my two boys very happy. Ellos viven para ti ahora…” (They both live for you now.) She gripped your hands a little tighter, “Let them take care of you, and give them the chance to help you when you… como decir… struggle?” she didn’t know if she used the right word.

You smiled and nodded, “We understand… and we will…” You let go of Maria’s hand to wipe a few tears that escaped.

Elena smiled and nodded, shaking your hands softly, “Bien…”

You looked at Maria and leaned our head against her, offering her comfort, she chuckled as some tears escaped as well, and she wiped them as well with her free hand.

You saw Sarah climb out of the pool, “Abuelita!” and grab a towel, running over to her, smiling.

Elena smiled brightly, “Mi hermosa niña!” she stood from her chair and put her plate down, opening her arms to embrace Sarah.

Sarah ran over and hugged her tightly, smiling from ear to ear.

You stood up and looked down at Maria, “I’m going to go grab myself a plate now that everyone’s settled in, you need anything?”

Maria smiled and shook her head, “I’m good thanks.”

You nodded and then walked back inside, closing the door behind you, grabbing a plate, and looking to see what was left.

Frank came in, “There you are! I’ve been waiting for Elena to let you go…” he chuckled.

You looked up and smiled, “You need somethin’ sweetie?” you asked kindly, starting to put things on your plate.

Frank shook his head and smiled, “No… not exactly, I just wanted to talk to you more. Get to know you more. Joel… well… he won’t shut up about you, but I’d like to talk to you, get to know you from… you.” he chuckled and got a beer from the counter.

You smiled, “Won’t shut up about me? I’m flattered…” you chuckled.

Frank sat down at one of the barstools and watched you fill your plate up, “Joel he’s… he’s different. He’s not so grumpy since meeting you.” he chuckled.

You looked up at Frank, “Joel? My Joel, grumpy?” you tsked and then chuckled, “He can be a bit closed up I’ve noticed, especially with Mrs. Rose…” you chuckled, “... but I can’t imagine him being grumpy…” You smiled to yourself as you grabbed a cucumber slice and took a bite.

“Well that’s Rose for ya, she’ll know the color of your underwear if you’re not careful with what you do and say around her…” he chuckled, “Which by the way, from one gay guy to a woman with a rockin’ body, you played with fire today…” he nodded towards your ass and you turned bright red.

“Shit, you can see?” you all of a sudden got embarrassed.

“Honey, every man within an eye shot and a cock between his legs can see you’re either not wearin’ anythin’ or what you are, is very very small…” he winked and laughed softly, taking a swig of his beer, “Joel keeps tellin’ his coworkers to keep their eyes forward and that you’re to be respected… he’s a very possessive man of what’s his.”

You blushed and couldn’t hide the smile that stretched across your face, “What’s funny is we have this thing goin’ on and h-…” You stopped talking, realizing you were about to dive into this sex bet you and Joel were doing pretty much a stranger.

Frank leaned forward and whispered, “Sweetheart, I’ve seen your thong, we are well past the ‘new person’ manners and decorum, finish the damn sentence…” he chuckled.

You blushed and tucked a hair behind your ear, “Ok… fine.” you chuckled and leaned forward too, “We have this bet going on that we can’t… gawk at each other when the other person can see… and we can’t touch each other except for holding hands… so he’s most likely…” you bit your lip and then took another bite of the cucumber, “... a little frustrated if you catch my drift.” you looked at him grinning.

Frank took a swig, “I like you… you’re fun!” he chuckled and then grabbed your hand, “Come on, we’ve got loads to talk about.” he took you back outside and sat with you on the patio swing.

The both of you sat and talked for what seemed like hours, the sun had started to set and a few people left, but there was still a majority of the group sticking around, enjoying good food and company.

Joel came over and sat next to you, putting his hand on yours and his arm around the back of the swing, “There you are, I’ve been looking for you...” he kissed your hand softly then cheek then looked at Frank, “Frank that wine you brought, my mom wants to know where ya’ll got it from… it was really good.” he leaned and smiled at Frank.

You smiled against him, gently squeezing his hand when he settled in by you.

Frank smiled, “Oh I have another bottle in the car, I’ll just give it to her… we got it when we traveled to France a few months ago, and had a crate mailed to us.” he stood up, “I’ll go grab it and be right back.” he set his beer down on the ground and then left to go inside.

Joel kissed your cheek again once it was just you two, “I’ve missed you… I’ve felt I’ve not seen you much as we’ve been pulled separate ways every damn time I get near ya my love.”

You smiled and adjusted yourself to look at him better, “I’ve missed you too…” you kissed him softly once then pecked his lips once more.

He sat back and smiled down at you, “Are we breakin’ any rules by doing this? I’d hate to call a forfeit…” he chuckled softly, rubbing his thumb against your hand softly.

You shook your head and giggled lightly, “No… we can have this. This is nice… nothin’ can be funny business when I’m sitting and swingin’ with you handsome.” you leaned your head against his shoulder and you two swung softly.

Joel gently kissed the top of your head and sat with you peacefully.

A few moments went by then Tommy came over, “Hey you two lovebirds…” he smiled and stood with his hip popped out like he wanted something.

You smiled at Tommy, “Everything ok?”

He nodded, “Yeah, can I just borrow Joel for a little bit? Bill wants some help with somethin’ on his truck. We just need a ‘nother set of hands.” he smiled down at you.

You nodded and smiled, “Yeah, of course.” you took your head off his shoulder and kissed his cheek, “I’ll just wait here…”

Joel turned his head and kissed you softly, then stood up, “We gettin’ dirty?” he looked at Tommy. Tommy nodded, “Most likely… he needs undercarriage help”

Joel nodded and started to unbutton his button-down, and then took it off, unveiling the tight black tee he was wearing under which was tucked in and had a nice buckled belt on which made him look even more delicious.

The tee exposed his broad shoulders, and thick muscular biceps, roped down with veins that bulged when he flexed to slide out of the button-up. Once taken off, he set it over his shoulder and took off his hat briefly, running his hands through his hair to push it back before putting it back on his head.

Your jaw hung open and your eyes filled with not one ounce of anything appropriate at that moment. This - this was his thong, the bastard.

Frank came out before Joel turned around to kiss you. He saw your face and how you were gawking, so he cleared his throat loudly, snapping you out of your daze before Joel saw, saving your ass in this cruel bet you both agreed to.

You blushed and turned to Frank, he smirked, “I’m going to run this over to Mrs. Miller then I’ll be right back.” he walked towards that area of the yard, wine bottle in hand.

Joel looked down at you, smirking, “You were gawking weren’t you?” he leaned down, chuckling, gently kissing your lips.

You smiled against his lips, “I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about cowboy.” you gently flicked the brim of his hat and winked before kissing him gently once more.

He pulled back, “I’ll be back, don’t go far darlin’…” he smiled at you and walked out with Tommy to Bill and his truck.

Joel and Tommy went out to the driveway and started helping Bill with something regarding his suspension, all of them getting greasy and a little messy.

After about 20 minutes went by, Bill was trying to loosen a bolt near his strut and was getting frustrated as it wouldn’t come loose, “This damned thing…” he readjusted the wrench and his position and went to try again but his hand slipped and something sharp in the undercarriage and sliced through his palm and up his wrist, “Ah, fuck…” he grabbed his wrist, dropping the wrench, sliding out from under the truck.

Tommy looked down with a flashlight at him, “Fuck…”

Joel came around and saw, blood coming out pretty quickly. “Shit.”

He yelled hoping you would hear him, “Y/N! Baby, we need help!” he looked at Tommy after a moment, “Go, go get the girls.”

Tommy nodded and ran in and went to grab you both.

You were laughing with Frank when you heard Joel yell for help. You sat up quickly and clocked Maria from across the yard, both of you in crisis mode immediately. You stood from the swing and ran in the house, out the front door, “Joel?!” fearing that something happened to him, not making it past the front steps before he looked at you and yelled,

“Med bag now!” he looked at you, kneeling by Bill who you could see was bleeding.

“Fuck…” you nodded and ran back into the house, “Frank, it’s Bill!” you shouted from the stairs towards the back door.

You ran up the stairs and grabbed your medical kit from the bedroom, rushing back downstairs.

Maria already had run out with Mrs. Miller and half the party while you were upstairs, all surrounding Bill and the truck, murmuring.

You ran out and pushed through the crowd, “Someone call 911.” you commanded tying up your hair, locked into the situation.

You knelt by Bill and took his arm, “Here let me see…” You accessed his hand, seeing he might have nicked an artery or major blood vessel by how much blood was coming out, “Someone tell me what happened…” you asked calmly, looking through your bag for what you needed.

“Damn bolt was too tight, hand slipped.” he bit out.

You nodded, “Got it. Who’s calling 911?” you questioned the group.

Maria piped up, “I am. I’m speaking to an operator, what are your findings?” she knelt across from you.

You unzipped your bag, opened it up fully, and began putting gauze on his wrist as that was where most of the bleeding was coming from, “Tell them we have a deep laceration of palm that extends up the inner wrist. Explain that the blood loss suggests that it may have nicked the ulnar artery or a major blood vessel, we need an ambulance now.” you zoned in and looked around you for resources. “Tommy, I need your belt...” you said while trying to get the bleeding to stop but it kept coming.

“My what?” he questioned.

“Belt. Tommy… now…” you instructed, there was no time for questions and you were in your element, not worried about niceties.

He undid his belt and handed it to you.

You looked at Maria, “Maria, ETA?”

“7 minutes…” she said and then set the phone down on speaker and helped you by putting pressure while you used Tommy’s belt to tunicate Bill’s upper arm. “We need them here now… fuck.” you were getting frustrated by the lack of tools you had at your disposal.

Bill winced and cursed under his breath when you pulled the belt tight, “Ok Bill, I need you to lay flat for me.” helped his head lay down on the pavement as he was slumped against the tire.

You looked over the arm, thinking, eyes scanning over everything you had around, whispering to yourself, “Think think…”

Joel put his hand on your back, “Baby, what do you need from me?” he asked softly.

“Ummm…” you thought about what could work to pack, then got it, “Can you get me some dish towels and duct tape?” you looked at him, “We need to pack this and this gauze isn’t enough…”

He nodded as he stood up and ran inside, grabbing both within a minute.

You smiled softly and took them from him, “Thank you sweetheart.” you started to gather them up to best pack the wound, “Bill, I’m going to start packing this, it may hurt, just warning you.”

He winced as you began packing the wound, trying to stop the bleeding as much as you could. However, he started to lose color and get a little confused with his surroundings.

“Maria… we need an ETA…” she stood up and took the phone, turning away to speak to the operator.

Bill’s eyes started to close, so you gently tapped Bill’s face, “Bill, you need to keep your eyes on me. Tell me what’s going on with your truck, talk to me.” you tapped his face again until he opened his eyes.

The vibe of the area drastically changed after that and people started to worry. Mrs. Miller hugged Tommy, worried. Frank was in tears standing to the side, and Sarah hugged his side to comfort him. Joel knelt by you but gave you enough space to work. He was in complete awe and admired how amazing you were under pressure, this was your element and he was grateful in a way he got to see you work.

Bill started to slur his speech as he began talking about his truck and his eyes started to close again, his breathing becoming more shallow, you looked at him and touched his cheek, “Shit..” you looked up at Maria for a moment then back down, “Maria, I need an ETA!” you said asked with slight panic in your voice as you started to wrap the tape around his arm to keep the wound packed tightly, “Bill… look at me… keep your eyes open.” you coaxed.

Maria turned around, “2 minutes… they have sirens going and everything.”

You tapped Bill's cheek, “Bill wake up…” he didn’t respond.

“Fuck.” you felt his pulse point, barely anything, he’s bleeding out. You leaned down to listen for breath sounds, weak and uneven. “God damn it Bill…” you said as you listened.

“Maria, tell them his pulse is weak and breath sounds are weak and uneven, I’m starting compression and mouth to mouth, they will need an immediate crash cart upon arrival…” you yelled to her and then angled his head to the correct angle for compressions and mouth-to-mouth then sat up on your knees and started compressions. She nodded and relayed the information to the operator, turning around to hear what they were saying better.

Frank started to sob and Sarah did too, you looked at Sarah as you started pumping Bill’s chest, “Sarah, go inside sweetheart, I need you to get me my pouch that has a red cross on it, it's up in the bedroom…”

She nodded and ran into the house, you stopped after a set amount of compressions and did two breaths into Frank's mouth then started doing compressions again, “She doesn’t need to see this.” you said as you looked over at Joel with a sad look in your eye, doing what you could to shield and protect her, he nodded and put his hand on your back in support.

You looked at Maria, and she nodded at you knowing you wanted an update, “They are pulling into the neighborhood, I’m going to flag them down.” she ran down the driveway, and you began to hear sirens in the distance.

You did two more breaths and then started to continue compressions, “Hold on Bill, I got you… stay with me.” you gritted as you pumped his chest.

You looked at Frank, “Frank look at me, he’s going to be ok. He’s just lost a lot of blood, ok?” you continued to pump and then did two more breaths then felt his pulse, it was getting stronger, you nodded and continue compressions, “There we go… there’s that pulse comin’ back.” you chuckled out of breath from compressions, “Come on…” you looked up and saw lights pulling into the street.

Maria brought two paramedics to where you were, one a woman and one man, they had a transfer board and the crash equipment, you continued to do compressions as you explained what was going on, what happened, his stats, and how his pulse was getting stronger with compressions.

“Ok, we need to load him up, can you help?” the woman asked setting the transfer board down on the ground next to Bill.

You nodded and rolled Bill on his side so they could put the transfer board under him. You looked at the pair, “I’ll lift the board if one of you straddles him and continues compressions into the truck…” you suggested.

The woman nodded and straddled Bill and started compressions again, you went to the head of the board and grabbed the end, your cleavage showing as you had to bend down a little, “On three?” you asked the other paramedic. He was looking at your cleavage, you glared at him, “Oi, eyes are up here… on three we lift?” you bit out.

Joel heard and saw him ogling you, and glared at the paramedic.

He cleared his throat and nodded, turning red, “On three…” he said.

You both lifted on three, grunting and then walking to the gurney behind some of the cars, Frank following close behind.

Elena came up and touched Joel’s arm as he stood and watched, “She’s got fire mijo…” she said smiling softly watching you with him from a distance.

Joel nodded and blushed watching you, “She’s amazing mama…” he hugged his mom to his side.

You helped load Bill in and stepped out of the bay, after telling Frank you guys would come visit in a few days. He thanked you and hugged you then hopped into the bay, sitting and holding Bill’s hand.

The male paramedic cleared his throat as he jumped out of the bay after you and looked at you, drinking you in, and he smirked at you, “Hey, uh you ever wanna g-…”

Joel cleared his throat, coming up behind you and wrapped his arm around you, pulling you close to him, “Everything good to go darlin’...?” he kissed your bare shoulder, keeping eye contact with the paramedic.

You blushed at Joel’s motives and knew what he was doing, you stepped back into his hold, “I think so cowboy… Bill’s conscious now…” You looked at the paramedic, “You guys are good, right? Going to Austin General?” you cocked your head at him, smiling sweetly.

The paramedic swallowed and cleared his throat, “Yes ma’am. Thank you for all you did to help.”

He looked at Joel and nodded at him, “Ya’ll have a good night…”

Joel smirked, “Oh, we will…” he leaned down and kissed your shoulder then inside of your neck softly.

He nodded embarrassed and closed the bay door and then tapped it twice before going around to the driver’s seat and driving off with Bill and Frank to the hospital.

You chuckled watching the truck drive away, “Did you just lose our bet or should I give you a freebie with those funny business kisses and touching?” you teased as you leaned against him smiling.

He kissed you again on the neck and took a breath, inhaling your scent, humming, “I give in… I can’t handle not holding you the rest of the night.” he rubbed your stomach with his thumb.

You smiled and slowly pulled away, biting your lip, looking at him lovingly, “Come on then, let’s go have a good rest of the night…” you kissed his cheek, “I’m gonna go freshen up, wanna get the firepit started?”

He nodded “Yeah sure baby…” but then looked at you with so much love in his gaze and took your cheeks in his hands and leaned in and kissed you softly and slowly a couple of times, pulling away a little, “You were amazing… I love you so much.” then kissing you once more.

You smiled against his lips then pulled away and hummed, “I love you too sweetheart…” you kept your hands behind your back as you didn’t want to get him dirty with how much blood was on them.

You walked back up the driveway, eager to wash yourself up, internally starting to feel overstimulated by the familiar sensation of blood on your hands.

Maria and Tommy were talking to Elena and Sarah. You smiled at Elena kindly and nodded your head as she looked at you before grabbing your bag and heading inside.

She watched you and saw you roll your shoulders and shake your hands out, starting to feel anxious.

Joel came up to the group of people hanging in the front yard and smiled, “Ok, the good news is Bill will be ok, he’s headed to the hospital. Y/N is going to freshen up and then we’re gonna do a firepit and do smores and put some music on.”

Everyone let a breath of relief out and nodded, heading back inside to the backyard.

Elena came up and took Joel’s hand, “Mijo… go check on her… ella parecía ansiosa al entrar…” (She looked anxious heading inside)

Joel looked at the front door and nodded, then looked at her, “Can you ask Tommy to get the firepit started?”

She nodded and kissed his cheek, “Of course, mijo.”

You went upstairs and shut the bedroom door quickly, starting to feel slightly on edge. You shook your hands out again and clenched your jaw trying to blow it off. You took your dress off which had Bill’s blood on it and put it in the hamper, before going to the sink and turning on the water, washing the blood off your hands, feeling yourself start to feel anxious by the familiar image of what happened with Z, flashes started to cross your mind. You let out a breath and shook your head, “No… it’s ok. I’m ok.” then you dried off your hands. You walked to the closet and got some loose-fitting Wrangler jeans and a baggy but cute brown sweater. You put it over your head, pulling your hair out and looking at yourself in the mirror, mentally telling yourself you were going to be ok.

You sat on the bed to put on some different shoes and stood to go back downstairs when you heard someone’s truck backfire that was leaving the house. However, to you, it sounded like gunfire and you were instantly transported back to Delta 30. Flashes of Z and his body clouded your mind and instantly felt like you were suffocating, your heart started to race and you started to breathe fast, tears blurring your vision, feeling the room close in around you, you shrunk to the floor and curled into the corner, “Fuck.. fuck…” you started to hyperventilate.

You shut your eyes and whispered, “Breathe…” you put your hand on your chest and felt your heart racing, your hand was shaking against your chest.

Joel knocked on the door gently, “Darlin’, can I come in?” no answer.

You didn’t even register anything around you, your ears were ringing, and your senses were all over the place.

Joel knocked again, “Sweetheart?” no answer.

He opened the door and peeked in and saw you in the corner, hyperventilating, curled in fear looking at the bed. He instantly bolted over to you, kneeling in front of you, taking off his hat to get close to you, “Baby?” he gently took your face in his hands, and had you look at him, your eyes looked terrified, “Baby I need you to breathe for me…” his eyebrows furrowed in concern as he looked over you, “Hey… look at me, breathe in through your nose…” he took a breath in through his nose for you to mimic.

You weren’t registering anything, his voice was muffled and your ears rang, you shut your eyes and held your hand against your heart, “I…” you started to cry, unable to catch your breath, breathing fast and unevenly.

After speaking to Tommy earlier, he researched how to help with panic attacks and other things you might experience so he would be ready to help.

He racked his brain to choose something he read to help.

Joel stroked your cheeks “Hey… I got you, sweetheart, here…” he took your hand, opened your palm, and started to draw a circle in it, repeatedly, watching your reaction, you looked at what he was doing and your breathing slowly started to slow down. “There we go… shhh… it’s ok.” he kept doing it, leaning forward to kiss your forehead, whispering against your skin, “I got you, my love.”

You watched as he continued to draw circles, beginning to come back to him, tears falling and starting to ramble as you were watching his finger, “He… he was just there and then he wasn’t…” your lip trembled, “I should have protected him… I didn’t check what was behind me and got detained… he… he got shot while I was captured because I didn’t do the one fucking thing I was trained to do in combat… check my surroundings…” you sobbed, “... he was a child… a baby… and he… he’s dead because of me…” you closed your palm and pulled it to your chest, reclusing back to the corner.

Joel looked at you and shook his head frantically then touched your cheek, “No… no my love… hey… come here…” he moved quickly and sat by you and pulled you onto his lap, to lay between his legs, holding you close, putting your head on his chest so you could hear his heart to calm you down, kissing your head and he held you tight, “Darlin’, it was not your fault...” he rubbed your arms and back slowly and softly, “What happened back there, I will never understand what you truly went through, but I do know one thing, and that is, none of it was your fault.” he kissed your head, “None of it.”

You closed your eyes and tried to concentrate on his heartbeat, “I… I feel like he died because I wasn’t careful enough.” you admitted quietly through tears.

Joel kissed your temple softly, and whispered, “Baby he died because evil men shot and killed a defenseless kid in the back of a car.” he sighed sadly, “His death is on them, not you.”

You kept your eyes closed and focused on your breathing, taking in Joel’s words, focusing on what was around you, smells, sounds, textures.

Joel gently would squeeze your arms and rub your back, trying to release tension, whispering soft promises of protection and safety to you.

You calmed your breathing and nodded before sitting up slowly and wiping your tears, sniffing, “I’m ok…” you sighed softly.

Joel took your hand softly and kissed it, finding your eyes, “We can send everyone home… do you need tonight to be done? I’ll go out and kick everyone out…” he said with every fiber of him. He’d burn the world for you.

You chuckled and shook your head, wiping your tears before touching his cheek softly, “No… I need to be around our people tonight. I just need to be with you and I’ll be ok.” you smiled softly at him.

He nodded, “I’m here, I won’t leave ya sweetheart.” he smiled and leaned in and kissed your forehead before pulling you in his arms once more.

You hugged him and it was like everything dissolved, he brought such peace to you that you never thought you’d have, it was hard to describe but you knew with him, you were safe.

He held you and then you pulled away after a couple of minutes and slowly stood up, grabbing his hat from the floor, and held out your hand for him to take, softly smiling at him.

He took it and stood, standing inches from you, you leaned up and kissed him softly, while putting his hat back on his head, then pulled away, “You’re wearin’ this more often, yeah?”

He chuckled, “Anythin’ you wish is my command, mi vida…” he cupped your cheek and kissed you slower this time, holding onto your lips, savoring this moment he had with you.

You blushed and smiled after he pulled away, keeping your eyes closed, “Kiss me more like that too, yeah?”

He smiled and nodded, rubbing his nose against yours, chuckling softly, “I can arrange that…” he leaned back in and kissed you again, this time holding onto your waist and the back of your head and neck, supporting your neck as he kissed you.

You pulled away slowly after a few kisses, “If we don’t stop, we won’t make it back downstairs…” You looked up at him and slowly backed away, holding onto his hand as you walked backward.

He bit his lip and smiled, “Maybe that’s what I want…” he let you drag him towards the door as you softly giggled. You opened up the door and let go of his hand and began walking down the hall, towards the stairs, hearing some music playing outside and people laughing and talking amongst themselves.

Joel stood in the doorway and watched you for a moment, soaking you in. This was the happiest he’d ever been, aside from when Sarah was born. However this changed everything including his fears and anxieties, he didn’t want you to be consumed by what happened in the past. Whether that was your past back in Afghanistan or with Charlie, he promised to do whatever he could to protect and make you happy, keep those tears and fears away from you as best he could.

You went down a few stairs then looked back and saw him in the doorway, you smiled and held out your hand, “Come on, they are dancin’ out there and I wanna see those moves you told me you had.” you giggled.

He smiled warmly and pushed off the door and joined you, taking your hand, and walking with you out to the back.

9:48 pm

People had slowly started to head home, even Elena who had a longer drive than most. Joel offered her the guest room but she insisted on going back home. You asked her to call either Joel or Tommy and let them know when she got home safely which she did about an hour after she left.

Frank called and let you all know that they started some blood transfusions for Bill and he was going to be fine, they repaired his hand and found the cause of the bleeding. He said that he was going to be monitored for the next few days but everything was going to be ok.

Sarah went home with one of her friends who begged Joel to let her sleepover as they wanted to watch a movie that had just come out for rent at the movie store. Joel told Sarah to call him before she went to sleep but let her go happily as that meant he’d have the house with you tonight.

Tommy and Maria, a few other tipsy neighbors, and you both were left in the backyard. You were sitting by the fire laughing and talking to a neighbor of Joel’s and Maria. Joel and Tommy were insistent that you and Maria remained seated while they cleaned up a little and straightened up.

There was music softly playing over the speakers and for the most part, people just talked while it played, the dancing had dimmed down after the masses headed home. Joel and Tommy showed off their moves and invited you and Maria to join them as they’d teach you how to do it. However, it was just an excuse for them to have you both close to them and sneak kisses from you in between each step. You and Maria caught on though and had a rough idea of how to dance.

You had a glass of wine in your hand and were wrapped in a blanket, chuckling at a story Maria was telling when you heard a song come over the speaker, ‘Thinking Out Loud’ by Ed Sheeran. You smiled seeing Joel walk over to you with a warm smile on his face and stop in front of you with one hand behind his back and one hand outstretched towards you, “May I have this dance with you darlin’...”

You nodded, “Of course my love…” you put your glass down and gently slid your hand into his as you stood up.

He brought your hand to his lips and kissed it then slowly walked you to the middle of the yard and held yours and his hand at his chest while pulling you in by your waist and slowly started swaying side to side with you as the song played.

Some lights lined the backyard above you giving you, giving it a light and romantic atmosphere. Along with the fire pit burning, it was perfect.

Joel hummed along to the first part of the song, holding you close, keeping eye contact with you before he started softly singing along,

“And darling I will be loving you 'til we're 70

And baby my heart could still fall as hard at 23

And I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways

Maybe just the touch of a hand

Oh me I fall in love with you every single day

And I just wanna tell you I am

So honey now

Take me into your loving arms

Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars

Place your head on my beating heart

I'm thinking out loud

Maybe we found love right where we are…”

You smiled up at him and put your free hand on his cheek as he sang along, gently stroking and tracing your fingers against his cheek, swaying along with him, holding his hand against his chest.

Joel kept singing to you, gently rubbing his thumb along your waist and the back of your hand as he swayed with you, completely in the moment with you, not caring about anyone or anything else around, just you. He’d occasionally bring your hand to his lips and kiss it or your forehead.

Maria grabbed your phone that was sitting by your seat and took a few photos of the two of you, knowing how you always mentioned that was important to you, to photograph special moments with your loved ones, but that no one did it for you when you were in the moment.

Towards the end of the song Joel took a step back and spun you around softly then pulled you into him to have your back against him and to hold you tight, arms around your waist as he swayed and leaned his head down and whispered into your ear, “I love you so much darlin’, thank you for all you do to make me happy.” he kissed your shoulder, inner neck and then cheek before setting his head by yours and closing his eyes as the two of you swayed like that to the rest of the song.

Once it was over, Tommy whistled loudly, “Alright, I think that’s a good way to end a wonderful evening! If everyone will please gather your things, please take any leftovers you brought or would like and thank our hosts - it’s time to head home!”

You chuckled and stayed against Joel, “Sounds like Tommy wants to go to bed…”

Joel chuckled and kissed your cheek before pushing against your hip gently to spin you back around and pull you against him slowly and softly, continuing to sway with you while another slow song played in the background softly. He cupped your cheek and smiled looking down at you, “Did you have a good time today?” he caressed your cheek softly.

You smiled, “I did, I’d love to do this like once a month or something with our friends and family… host a dinner or barbeque… it’s the most fun I’ve had in a long time with a big group of people.” you looked up at him while you both swayed, ignoring the mass of people packing up to leave.

“We can do that. How about every 2nd Saturday, we will do that, invite anyone we want to and it can either be something entirely made by us or like a potluck thing.” he said softly, “Anything you want to do, I’ll make it happen.” he leaned down and kissed your lips softly, pulling back slowly.

You blushed thinking of something would love to do with him but you didn’t want to mention it as you criticized yourself for even thinking of it so early into your relationship with him. However, it’s how you felt, you wanted a life with him in every sense and meaning of it. You wanted to marry him, you knew that he was it, you had found your soulmate and partner in life, your best friend. You both had already admitted you wanted to have kids together and add to your family, it was just a matter of time before you got married, right? That was something Joel would want too, or so you thought. From what you know, Rachelle and he didn’t marry. They got pregnant with Sarah and then she left, he never mentioned marriage or divorce, just that she left. Was marriage something he wanted with you, or let alone anyone? You started to feel yourself overthink and some anxiety bubbled up and were just about to say something to Joel when Mrs. Rose came and touched your arm, snapping you out of the rabbit hole your mind just went down.

“Thank you so much for the invite, I had a lovely time!” she smiled at the both of you and pulled you into a gentle hug and then grabbed Joel by the face and hugged him as well. He was hesitant but gave in and wrapped his arms around her softly, giving her a nice gentle hug.

“Thank you for comin’ Rose. You’re a permanent invite on our guest list for future events, and always will.” you said smiling at her hugging Joel.

She pulled back and smiled at you both, “Joel, could I trouble you for your help? I brought some casseroles but it’s dark and I w-”

He cut her off, “I’d be happy to help Rose, don’t need to explain… just ask.” he smiled kindly.

You saw something switch in Joel, especially in how he just interacted with Rose. Maybe Frank was right, maybe Joel wasn’t so grumpy towards those he usually is grumpy to?

You gently touched her arm, “I’ll see you around, I’m going to go inside and make sure nothing gets left behind by others.” you smiled at Joel and went back inside to the kitchen.

Mostly everything got taken by its rightful owner, all but two empty pie crystal dishes which you knew were Frank and Bills.

You looked at the sink filled with dishes and rolled up your sleeves, thinking that you didn’t want to do anything tomorrow but rot and enjoy a nice easy day around the house with Joel.

You filled one side of the sink with warm soapy water and the other with dirty dishes, you tied up your hair in a ponytail and put your phone on the counter which was playing some Fleetwood Mac on a lower volume.

People greeted you and thanked you as they left, and after about 5 minutes, the house was empty.

You continued to wash dishes and either put them in the dishwasher for a deeper clean or put them on a drying rack near the sink to dry off during the night and put them away tomorrow.

Maria and Tommy cleaned up the kitchen and living room by sweeping and wiping down the surfaces before telling you goodnight and heading to the guest room together.

About a half hour later you heard Joel come through the front door and softly call for you, “Baby?” he took off his boots by the door.

“Kitchen, sweetheart…” you said as you smiled washing down a pot that you used for mac and cheese earlier.

Joel came in and smiled, coming up and touching your waist, kissing your cheek, “Where did Tommy and Maria go?” he grabbed a dish rag in the drawer by you and stood next to you starting to hand dry the dishes that were on the rack, doing his best to help or stay busy next to you.

“They went to bed, they helped wipe down and tidy the kitchen before though, I just have been working on this mountain of dishes for a little bit.” you smiled and put the pot in the dishwasher, deciding it needed a deeper clean. “Did you get trapped by Rose?”

Joel smiled and nodded, “Yeah, she needed help lifting something back onto a shelf in her garage and then chatted my ear off while I slowly backed up down her driveway towards the sidewalk.” he chuckled and started to stack plates that he would dry off to put away.

You chuckled and dumped a bowl full of silverware into the water to soak, “She’s a hoot. I like her…”

Joel nodded, “Me too, I just need to be better about tellin’ the woman I need to go.” he looked over at you, “I think gets lonely sometimes and I feel bad, you know?”

You nodded and looked back at him, “Was there ever a Mr. Rose?” then you looked down and started scrubbing the silverware with a sponge.

“Yeah, he passed about 5 years ago, Julio was his name. He was a nice guy, but he passed all of a sudden, I think he had a stroke or somethin’... Rose said he had a clot that traveled up to his brain.” he said sadly.

You nodded, “Aneurysm it sounds like…” you said softly and sighed, “... that’s rough.”

Joel nodded and continued to dry things off, “Can… what can cause that?” he sounded slightly concerned.

“A lot of things, but mostly smoking, trauma, and genetic markers. Trauma is the most common though, the person hits their head or gets their chest crushed, it can lead to it.” you tsked, “It's a peaceful way to go though… you don’t feel a thing, you just… stop.”

Joel looked over at you and nodded, “He was a smoker… I guess that makes sense.” he looked at the dishes he was drying, “And he didn’t suffer… that’s comforting to know.”

You nodded, “If he did pass of an aneurysm, he would have just stopped breathing, but it wouldn’t have hurt him, he would have never known.”

Joel nudged you softly, “Ok so we agree neither of us is dying that way, right?”

You looked at him and chuckled, nodding, “Deal.” You started to load up the rest of the silverware in the dishwasher and then you bent down and grabbed a tablet from under the sink and put it in, starting the dishwasher’s cycle. You then unplugged the water rinsed down the sink then started to put away dishes.

Joel smiled, “If I tell you to go upstairs and rest, you won’t will you?”

You shook your head and chuckled taking a pile of plates in your arms, “Nope, we finish this together and go up together.” you walked behind him to the cabinet the plates go in.

“Stubborn little thing you are…” he smirked at you.

You looked at him and smiled, “Yep!” you giggled and continued to put plates away, humming along to the song that was playing on your phone.

Joel shook his head and smiled, loving how easily you could make him happy. He put the remaining dishes away and then wiped down the counter with the rag before tossing it into the laundry room, coming back to the kitchen as you were wiping down the other counters with a dish rag, smiling softly.

You turned around and smiled at him, he came over and put his hands on your waist, leaning in and kissing you softly, “Ready for bed?” pulling away gently and slowly taking your hand to pull you upstairs.

You took his cowboy hat off his head and put it on yours, smiling, untying your hair to let it flow down your shoulders and back, “When do we get to go dancin’ cowboy?”

He smirked and looked down at you, you looked adorable in his hat, but also something deeper erupted in him and he had to feed it, “I’ll take ya next weekend my love…” he kissed your lips slowly, cupping your cheek towards him, slowly pulling away after a few kisses, softly and lowly saying against your lips, “Darlin’ do you know about the ‘cowboy hat’ rule that you just broke?” he gently kissed you again, this time deeper, pushing you against the counter.

You giggled against his lips, “Is this a legit rule or one you made up cowboy?”

He grinned and pulled back slowly from your lips, grabbing your waist and lifting you to sit on the counter above him, slotting himself between your legs, looking up at you, nipping the tip of your nose gently, “It’s a real rule…” he had eyes full of lust, all the pent up tension you both had from teasing each other today, was coming to a head.

You loosely wrapped your arms around his shoulders and teased your fingers into his hair, “I see… and what does this rule entail then handsome?” you leaned in and kissed his lips slowly, pulling his hair gently as you held onto his lips, smirking as you kissed him.

He hummed and breathlessly pulled away from your lips, “Mmm first, you won our bet, where am I takin’ you?” he gently kissed your lips then moved his head down to your neck and began littering you with kisses and love bites there.

You softly moaned, “Can I cash in my location for somewhere a little more… public another day?” you grinned knowing that would excite him.

He groaned against your skin, and nodded, not being able to form a response for that request, he looked up at you and licked his lip, “Bedroom then?” he seemed desperate to get you somewhere, alone and quickly.

You nodded and pushed his chest for him back up a little before you slid off the counter and then gently grabbed his shirt collar, pulling him close to you, leaning up to capture his lips, kissing him deeply a couple of times, before pulling back and grabbing his shirt and pulling it off him, throwing it to the floor then pulling yours off, revealing a black lace bra that left little to the imagination.

Joel’s jaw dropped and he smirked. Between the wrangler jeans you had on, your bra, and the hat on your head, you were the image of a cowboy’s wet dream, “Fuck you’ve been hidin’ this from me all day?” he stepped forward and went to grab you when you stuck your hand out to stop him, biting your lip.

“What’s the cowboy hat rule?” you held him where he was.

He grinned, “If you steal a cowboy’s hat, you have to ride the cowboy darlin’...” he looked at your body up and down from where he was.

You cleared your throat, “Eyes are up here…” you giggled.

His eyes snapped up and met yours and then he gently took your hand and pulled it to his lips, “I apologize darlin’, I just can’t help myself…” he said making his southern drawl more intense as he looked at you with those big brown eyes and started to try and move towards you again.

You bit your lip and stepped back, holding him where he was, “Mmm, hold it right there, I want you to do something for me baby…” you looked at him up and down, drinking him in. He was standing there in his jeans and belt that was very ‘cowboy’ of him and shirtless and you were soaking your panties while you were standing there, admiring and thinking of everything you wanted to do to his body.

He nodded and was breathing quicker, more excited, there was an obvious bulge in his pants, “Anythin’ baby…”

You looked over at the stove clock, “I’m going to go upstairs, and I’m going to touch myself…” the clock read 11:19 pm, you looked back at him and said slower, breathlessly, “If you can stand here… and wait til that clock hits 11:30 pm before coming upstairs to join me, we can film this… ‘cowboy rule’...” you grabbed his phone from the counter and grinned at him.

He grinned sinfully, and groaned hearing this request, “And if I can’t wait my love?” he kissed your inner wrist, eyes on you.

“You won’t need to worry about that baby, because you’re going to be good, and wait, aren’t ya?” you smirked and pulled our hand away, backing up towards the stairs then you stopped a few feet away and turned around and undid your jeans.

You looked behind your shoulder biting your lip as you slowly slid them down your ass which revealed a black silk thong. You stepped out of your jeans, turned around to face him, and tilted the cowboy hat towards him, revealing the sinful black set you were wearing, “Remember cowboy, 11:30…” You winked and ran up the stairs.

Joel was speechless and dropped to his knees, worshipping the ground you walk on with his cock straining painfully against his jeans.

You ran up and closed the door so it was just cracked open, you opted to keep everything you were wearing on as you knew Joel would enjoy taking it off when he’d inevitably make it upstairs.

You took his phone and turned the camera on, pushing the record button, and then laid it down facing the bed on the dresser which sat at the foot of the bed, making it the perfect angle to capture you both at any position you may be folded into. You bit your lip and smirked as you backed up and looked at the bed.

You knelt in the middle of the bed, facing the door, which was also towards the camera so while you waited for him, you used the camera to your advantage knowing he’d see this too once it was saved to his phone.

You slid your hand down your panties, finding your clit, and started to rub circles onto it lightly, moaning softly, smiling as you put your other hand behind your back, feeling how sensitive you are by just your touch, you felt excited to be fucked senseless by Joel.

Downstairs, Joel knelt and held onto the counter like it was a lifeline, whispering, “11:30…” to himself as he looked back and forth from the stairs to the stove clock.

He heard you moan his name at 11:26 pm and just about ran up, not caring about the recording, no matter how fucking hot it was you wanted to do that.

He stood up and whispered “Fuck it…” and only made it a few steps before he bit his thumbnail frustrated and shook his head backing down, circling right back to where he was and kneeling back down again to avoid temptation.

He watched the clock on the wall above the table which allowed him to see the seconds tick down. He tapped his thumb against the counter and watched as the minute hand got closer and closer to the 6. His breathing was slow and controlled but his heart was pounding excitedly. His feet were ready to run as soon as he gave himself permission to.

He heard you moan again but louder at 11:29 and 15 seconds. He grinned and muttered to himself, “Less than a minute Joel, hold on…” he watched painfully as that clock ticked closer and closer to 11:30 and once it hit he didn’t waste a second.

He slapped the lights off and ran up the stairs, 2 at a time, and at one time towards the top, using his hands to help him crawl up faster. The minute he got into the bedroom he closed and locked the door, and saw you on your knees, fingers teasing your clit as you had just come down from an orgasm.

You sat up on your knees, pulling your fingers from your core, and licked your fingers as you made eye contact with him, humming in delight. You ran your hands down your body to the strings of your thong hugging your hips and started to tug on them, “Come ‘ere cowboy, I believe I need to saddle up…” you said lowly, then bit your lip as you rocked your hips back and forth as you had your legs spread like you were already straddling something.

Joel swallowed and racked his brain, did he want to take this quick and erratic, or be slow and sensual, taking every ounce of pleasure from you? His cock was saying the first, but his heart and head said the other.

He smirked and nodded then came to the bed and kneeled in front of you, gently took your face in his hands, cupping your cheeks, and leaned down to kiss you slowly, deeply, and with every ounce and atom of love he could put into a kiss.

He pulled away slowly and said against your lips, “We’re gonna take this slow, I want to still be pulling pleasure from your sweet lips when that sun comes up…” he leaned back in and continued to kiss you, sliding his tongue between your lips after a few.

You moaned softly and moved your hands down from his chest to his belt and began to unbuckle it and then his pants.

He moved his hands down to his pants and tugged them down, along with his boxers, letting his cock spring free. The tip was red and angry with lust, dripping sweet precum from it.

You put the hat back on his head after seeing his cock spring free and pulled from his lips slowly before moving your knees back and leaning down to lick up his shaft. You ass up in the air and lean on your elbows as you began to suck on his tip in front of him.

He grunted when your lips sealed around his tip and began taking him down your throat, “Fuck… your mouth feels so good ‘round this cock…” he gathered your hair up in his hands and held your hair back for you as you continued to suck him off, getting further and further down our throat. He looked down and groaned, smirking, your eyes already looking up at him, “Fuck you look so hot like this… cock in your mouth, ass in the air…” he clenched his teeth and reached forward, to grab your ass, and shake it in his grasp.

He began to rock his hips gently down your throat and move his fingers down your thong seam, feeling how wet you were, “Fuck baby, you’re such a good girl, cummin' on your fingers to get ready to take me…” he slapped your ass softly, earning a moan from you which caused him to whine as the vibrations around his cock almost became too much.

He sat up and let go of your hair, which for you meant to take yourself off his cock, “Mmm fuck, my turn…” Joel grinned down at you and softly pinched your chin between his thumb and forefinger, bringing you back up to him, he leaned in and kissed your lips deeply then sucked on your bottom lip and pulled away, making you moan and grin.

“Lay on your back…” he said lowly, panting softly.

You scooted backward a little and then lay on your back, head on the pillows. Looking up at him, you breathed slowly and controlled.

He slowly ran his hands down your thighs and touched the fabric sitting on your hips, hooking his fingers under it, “Hips up beautiful…” he requested.

You lifted your hips and he pulled your thong off, smirking as he leaned over and opened his nightstand drawer, putting them inside and shutting it, “Those are mind now…” he leaned back up and gently spread your legs before backing his knees up and laying down on his stomach, nestling his head between your thighs, kissing them softly.

He hummed and smiled as he continued to kiss them, “I only have one request…” he said into your skin.

You looked down at him and your breathing sped up with him now between your legs, ready to devour your core.

“You are not to hold back any of those sweet sounds that come from that beautiful mouth of yours…” he looked up at you with those big brown eyes, “Tommy and Maria were so drunk on wine and whiskey they are out cold, they won’t hear a thing, you understand?” he kissed your thigh, inches away from your soaking core.

You gasped and nodded, “No holding back…”

He bit his lip gently and then hummed looking at the sight in front of him, “That’s a good girl…” slowly leaning in and starting to lap up what you already had to give him before taking more.

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A/N : hehehehehehe ya’ll thirsty for more… nasty bitches 🤠 this will be continuing in chpt 9 so get readyyyy 🙂‍↕️🫦

taglist: @sarahhxx03, @blahkateisdone, @sunnytuliptime, @pedroscurls, @docharleythegeekqueen

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